Season 4

Opening Credits

4.1 Moving In
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place between Monday, August 30th and Wednesday, September 8th, 1993.
The new home of Our Heroes is Ragadast House—a four-story co-ed dorm in the northeast corner of Martense Campus. They're all on separate floors, except Drew and Erik who are neighbors, but only Tori has a roommate to contend with. Erik and Drew build lofts in their rooms; that is, Erik builds lofts for both of them while Drew "helps." That's not all bad, though; the more Erik sweats, the more girls happen to pass by, including Jennifer Alverez who also plans to major in art. She watches appreciatively as Erik builds and paints superhero murals around his cubicle. On the downside, building (and hammering) far into the night gets them off on the wrong foot with the Junior Assistants (JAs) in charge of their floor. Meanwhile, Tori's roommate, Tiffany, arrives by chauffeured limousine. She's so excited to meet everyone, zooming around like a hummingbird on triple espresso, while the chauffeur lugs trip after trip of matching Gucci luggage. And if her chatter wasn't enough to put everyone on edge, Tiffany's parents are both lawyers. They run the Baltimore office of Wolfram and Hart.

In the faculty offices, Michael meets the History Department Chair, Artemus Topak, and receives an armload of binders—class notes from the professor he is filling in for while she's on sabbatical. Her research is impeccably thorough. Michael is impressed enough to send her a letter in thanks. His classes for the semester include History 203, the Early Middle Ages, which all of Slayer Club has signed up for, without knowing he would be teaching it (Drew thought it sounded cool and the others jumped on the bandwagon). The week before classes begin is filled with dorm meetings, photographs, parties, academic advisors, book-buying, and the Grey Key Fair where student clubs sign up new members. Sam joins the Catholic Connection and the Martense Outing Club. Joshua becomes a photographer for the newspaper. Erik and Drew sign up for MURP—the Martense Union of Role-Players. The invite-only Shadow Key Fair for mystical clubs takes place at the gym at midnight. Erik signs up with the Enchanters' Club. Sam and Tori, after some discussion, sign up for "The Challenge," even though the description is rather vague. Tiffany is also invited, and signs up for the Challenge and the Diviners' Club. Everyone in Slayer Club takes student jobs with Campus Security. Now they have official sanction, as well as official weapons for patrols—and they get paid (below minimum wage), too! There's even a Support Club for Demons, where Jezebel signs the list. The Dean of Special Projects makes a speech welcoming all the "Special" students to Martense and recommends discretion in matters arcane.

Saturday at the Campus Security meeting, Erik gets nominated for Captain of the Freshman class, in charge of scheduling and enforcing patrol shifts. He gets into this role with disturbing enthusiasm. Another freshman joining Security is Anthony, a burly young man from Los Angeles who fights with two machetes, Escrima-style. Tori takes note of this, for future reference. Sunday and Monday, Drew and Erik with their attractive, female, Security partners (Erik arranged the schedules, remember) interrupt two kidnappings of pretty, blonde Solomon High students. After the chases, both girls are left, unhurt but unconscious. Erik throws his enchanted hammer at the abductor's getaway car, with a window-shattering kaboom! But the kidnapper gets away. Security issues an alert for anyone stalking 5' 6" blonde girls with peaches and cream complexion. Like Tiffany. Tori decides to become Tiffany's new best friend to keep anyone from grabbing her. Michael receives a note from Professor Topak summoning him to a Special Faculty meeting, where the faculty mages initiate Michael into their ranks. As a parting gift, Professor Topak gives Michael a book, and a warning. Something involving the book is going on tonight, and knowing Michael, he might want to stop it. The book is the Necronomicon.

Tiffany disappears from Radagast House. Sam borrows her hairbrush to scry for her, tracking her to the swimming pool. Following his own leads, Michael meets Slayer Club there. Erik kicks open the door, shouting "Campus Security!" Six figures in grey robes run out. Sam and Erik pursue, while Tori and Drew make sure nothing emerges from the bubbling water (fortunately, the bubbling is just one of Michael's illusions, meant to scare the cultists). The cultists get away, but leave behind a notebook, six discarded robes, and another copy of the Necronomicon, stolen from the library. Back at Radagast, Sam and Tori question Tiffany. She's almost as good a liar as Erik. (Not so much.) Sam shows her the notebook, with details about sacrificing a 5'6" blonde, blushing, virgin, and Tiffany breaks down. The ritualists were children of her parents' friends. She thought they were summoning an ancient god of knowledge to help them get better grades. They never mentioned a sacrifice! During the night, the notebook and the ritual robes incinerate, setting off the fire alarm. Everyone assembles on the Quad and Erik tries very hard—oops—not to stare at Jennifer in her short-short PJs.

Tuesday, the kidnapper's hammered car shows up at Kessler's Auto Shop. Samuel bought it for parts from a middle man, who paid 'some snot-nosed Martense kid' $100 for it. Michael attempts to follow the VIN number and tags back to the owner, but finds only a dead end. Tori and Tiffany go everywhere together. Wednesday—the first day of classes. Professor Saiyer leads a rousing discussion in History 203. They're going to cover five hundred years of history, from the Fall of Rome, to the Norman Invasion of England, interlocking events from country to country, how the various invasions, inventions and personalities affected each other. "This is not your high school history class." Slayer Club knew that. They know the teacher remembers this stuff. Everyone else looks a bit shell-shocked. After lunch, Tori finds a pink, Gloria Vanderbilt sock tied to the doorknob of her room. Apparently, Tiffany has taken her situation, and Anthony, well in hand. Neither of them will be eligible for virgin sacrifice now.

4.2 Travelers
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place between Thursday, September 23rd and Saturday, September 25th, 1993, with an intermediate stop in the French Revolution.
Martense's Daily Advisor newsletter carries a notice: Wanted, someone to go back in time with me. Not a joke. Must bring your own weapons. I have only done this once before. Erik decides that would be cool. Joshua agrees. Over everyone else's objections, Erik sends a note to the mailbox listed and gets a response. Go to Crowley Hall (senior dorm) for more instructions. There, Erik finds Nicolas Dumas has installed a speakeasy slide in his door and will only talk through it. Erik gives him his CV, including the fact that he speaks Old Norse and that his friend (Drew) once time-traveled, but not physically. Nicolas says "thanks" and "we'll be in touch" and slams the window shut.

Elsewhere, Sam meets Father Ian Murphy in the chaplain's office for tea and Jesuit discussion, since her Applied Theology professor is an avowed atheist. They talk about power, its uses and temptations, and prayers for strengthening Sam's mental defenses. A new professor arrives from Australia. Dr. Ayim Gersham is filling in for Prof. Zi Lin in the Religion department while Prof. Lin returns to Hong Kong to deal with a family emergency. Prof. Sayier meets Dr. Gersham as he's moving in. They realize that they know each other, but neither can place from when or where. They've both lived very long, complex lives and met a lot of people over the years. So, Michael invites Dr. Gersham to have coffee at the Sacred Grounds and meet his "prize students." Dr. Gersham seems quite taken with Tori; can't keep his eyes off of her. Sam is distracting, too, when she stands up to claim Drew for patrolling.

The next morning at 2 AM, Security Director Wilson calls Erik to come to Artemis Hall (art history). Since he was out late partying, Erik got about an hour of sleep, and is still drunk. When he sees the symbol-filled circle, smoking brazier, slides of paintings showing Paris circa 1792 and eight small piles of equipment (a thermos, nylon windbreaker, .38 automatic, etc.), Erik calls Slayer Club and Professor Saiyer (who brings Dr. Gersham) to examine the ritual site. An authority on eastern mysticism, Dr. Gersham recognizes the symbols. Apparently, Nicolas and seven other people performed a time travel ritual that actually succeeded, but they're stuck in the past. Slayer Club prepares to follow the time-travelers and bring them home. Michael provides period clothing. Sam wears men's clothes, since the Kessler Sword is too big to hide under a skirt. Dr. Gersham finds the necessary Chinese herbs in the botany greenhouse. Drew calls Pandora and they ask her to keep an eye on the ritual site. If they don't return promptly, she should help Director Wilson organize a second search party. She's not happy to be left behind, but she's the only one they trust to be able to recreate the ritual on her own. Everyone has a big breakfast and steals food from the cafeteria like bread, cheese and apples, then meets at Artemis Hall to perform the ritual.

Paris, 1792, vive le revolution! Non vive le stench. Mud, blood, sewage, unwashed human bodies, black powder, and the incongruous scent of flowers from the Tuilleries gardens where they arrive. Slayer Club and the good Doctor decide to make the Tuilleries their meeting place, should they get separated. They head south, to the biggest crowds in the Place de Concorde. Madame Guillotine presides over a cross between an open-air market and screaming mob. In the crowd, Drew hears someone reflexively say "excuse me" instead of "excuse moi." They follow the English-speaker. It's Joshua arguing with Joel, a Martense Junior. Erik gets mad that Nicolas took Joshua and left him behind, but Joshua speaks French and has B&E skills. Nicholas's plan was to "rescue" a small statue from a nobleman's house just before it was burned. However, the moment their group arrived, another senior, Nikko, shouted that he was going to "save the world" and ran off and the group got separated trying to find him. Joel says that sophomore wrestlers Greg and Andy went to a bar, drank too much and couldn't pay, so were imprisoned by the Gendarmes. Slayer Club decides the wrestlers are safe where they are and goes looking for the others. They find freshman Tina lurking across from the nobleman's house. She thought she was only going on a date with Joshua and the whole time-travel thing was a crock, until it actually worked. Meanwhile, Michael and Dr. Gersham get two rooms at an inn in the Jewish Quarter for everyone to spend the night. Sam borrows a half a hair-clip that Tina says belonged to Beatrice Willis, who goes by her last name and rows crew. The metal clip came through the time-portal, but the plastic part stayed behind with the rest of the 20th century gear. With a rough map of Paris drawn by Erik, Sam scries Willis across the river, near the Sorbonne. Slayer Club tries to go get her, but armed guards turn them back. This isn't your parents' curfew. So, they find an entrance to the catacombs to go under the guards. There are vampires in the catacombs, but Sam, Drew and Erik dust a vamp apiece and the rest surrender and run. They find Willis sleeping on the streets near the Sorbonne. She gladly goes with Slayer Club back to the Jewish Quarter where everyone beds down for the night.

The next day is September 2nd, 1792. Michael pays Andy and Greg's debt with disappearing "djinni gold," springing them out of jail just in time—for the next three days, the Paris mob will clear out the prisons and kill the inmates. All time travelers are accounted for, except Nikko and Nicolas, both 1990 graduates of St. Germain's. The school's namesake and inspiration, the Comte de St. Germain, currently enjoys the hospitality of the Temple Prison next to Notre Dame. Thinking that Nikko's idea of 'saving the world' might involve freeing the Comte, Slayer Club goes to the Isle de Cite. Erik and Drew try to chat up an artist who is paying more attention to the prison guards than to his painting. It looks like one of the paintings Nicholas used for visualization, only unfinished. Michael spots the boys, disguised as girls, among a crowd of women heckling the guards let them in to visit family. Michael collars the missing time-travelers and knocks them out. He carries one, Sam shoulders the other and everyone goes back to their rooms to perform the ritual again. Viva Martense, 1993! The adventure concluded, Erik (ever tactful) has some questions for Dr. Gersham about how he knows Michael from "back in the day" and yet has kept his youthful (mid-30's) good looks. Dr. Gersham admits a deep knowledge of the Kaballah. In fact, his uncle was one of the founders of the discipline in Spain. This holds back time's effects, but it has a cost, the least of which is a constant post-nasal drip and sneezing.

4.3 The Cold Dish
Written and directed by John Gianopolis.
The events of this episode take place between Friday, October 8th and Saturday, October 9th, 1993.
No llamas were harmed in the filming of this episode.
It's ten days before Midterms, and Slayer Club is jinxed. While playing newspaper-photo-guy at a Women's Rugby match, Joshua doesn't see the ball land right beside him. Being buried in women is not as much fun as he thought it might be when they're wearing cleats and not even looking at him. At a MURP meeting, Erik's D&D character gets pick-pocketed, and Drew's gets killed by kobolds. That's only slightly less embarrassing than the time Pandora kicked the crap out of him. Sam goes home for dinner, and her father burns the pot roast. Then, on Saturday Sam breaks four stripped lug-nuts right off a custom Corvette, that'll be six weeks to order the parts. Tori and Joshua go to the Sacred Grounds to hear the bands. Just as they arrive, a trio finishes their set—a sultry brunette singer, a hunky guitarist without a shirt, and a drummer with more body hair than an orangutan. Tori appreciates the guitarist's rear-view in denim while Joshua flirts with the singer, but she's married—to the drummer! The next act is a quartet of amateur bagpipers. Ada shakes her head, "What was I thinking?" while the audience flees. Drew finds his answering machine full of blubbering messages from Pandora—she got a D on an English paper. On Hamlet! The teacher was obviously biased, but it still goes on her permanent record! Then, to cap it all off, Erik gets an emergency call from Security Director Wilson—the campus magic alarms were tripped. She's placed Martense under a Level 1 magic alert, and will raise the alert level every 24 hours until the threat is resolved.

Drew tells Pandora that they've all been cursed and she goes on the research warpath to find out who made her get a D. And everything else. The invasive magic seems concentrated on Radagast House, so Slayer Club investigates their dorm-mates. Erik pretends that they're searching for a missing boa constrictor. Several students suffer more-than-usual midterm stress. Mari Jergen is gibbering over her beastly Biology exam—on magical beasts. Her family runs an... unusual... farm up in Vermont. They're pressuring her to follow the family business, but she'd much rather study Cold War history and international affairs. Bert Edgerton is flunking Calculus, his financial aid ran out, and his girlfriend dumped him. Dylan Reese has to juggle college classes and his real passion—Civil War Reenacting in the part of a Southern spy. He recently received a suspicious present—a newly crafted saber from a "Union General" whom Dylan managed to hoodwink and steal his plans the previous summer. Another suspicious present arrives at Susie Tenaka's room—a plaster copy of Michaelangelo's "David" without a fig leaf, because, frankly, a fig leaf just wouldn't cover it. Joshua suggests she put an ad in the Daily Advisor since she'd really like to meet the sculptor. Pandora can't trace the source of the curse, but its targets are herself and Joshua, with Erik, Drew and Sam getting some of the badness, but strangely, Tori got none of it. Director Wilson searches Slayer Club's dorm rooms and finds a clue in Sam's scrapbook: a letter on Martense stationary congratulating her on the successful conclusion of the "Curse of Egypt" situation last spring. But the letter doesn't have the embossed stamp of the security department. It's a fake. Slayer Club returns to the scene, but there's nothing at the bottling plant except a lot of cobwebs. Sam pries one of the amber lenses out of the wall to use for scrying. Director Wilson tasks a sophomore to search through the tape archives for a picture of the cult-leader's face. After the bottling plant, Slayer Club goes to Blaire's to shake down some info. Blaire denies seeing Ramses, but one customer taunts Joshua and the Slayer, claiming the wizard's curse makes them sitting ducks. Sam and Joshua prove him wrong. Over his dust, they convince another vampire to spill everything he knows about Ramses, dubbed "Lord Lame-o" by Joshua, and spread the word that the Slayer and her friends aren't cursed so badly they can't fight. But they are cursed, and it's getting worse.

Back at Martense, Mari Jergen snaps. She takes her double-tined automatic-pull crossbow (standard equipment at Daddy's ranch) and climbs to the roof of the Morris biology hall. Director Wilson calls Slayer Club to the scene where a large, armadillo-like creature is chewing on the front door. Sam tries to talk Mari down while Joshua and Tori flank her. Drew and Tori both spot the professional hit-man, last seen in Ramses' company, on the library roof across the quad. Sam only sees the red dot in the center of her chest. She dodges just in time for the bullet to miss her heart, but the sniper keeps shooting at her, and Michael when he covers her with his body. Sam tries to get both of them into the stairwell and takes another bullet in the back. Joshua sprints downstairs for the library. Mari drops her crossbow, and it fires. One quarrel misses Drew by a whisker, but the second pins Michael and Sam together. Drew confiscates Mari's crossbow and re-loads. Tori takes Drew's. Between them, they shoot the sniper and explode the chimney he's using for cover. Joshua arrives and finds the dead sniper magically glued to the roof so he can't be moved. A small brown bat (Sam in possession, since she also can't move) flies over to the library and digs a matchbook out of the sniper's pocket—"Papyrus Paperworks, est. 1993" with an address in downtown Solomon. Ambulances arrive to take Sam and Michael to the hospital. At Papyrus, Erik, Drew, Tori, and Tony the escrimador take the frontal assault while Joshua goes around back. Erik smashes the door with his hammer. Tori tries to "fire up" a line of mummies and sets off a water-trap in the ceiling, dousing everyone. Several men in hazmat suits spray fire-retardant foam all over her. Erik smithereens mummies with his hammer while Drew and Tony slash them with their blades. In back, Joshua shoots more mummies with his machine pistols, but can't shoot invisible will-o-wisps, so he ignores them. He evades a very large, very stupid mummy on the stairs to the main office where Ramses is waiting. Joshua shoots, taking down his magical shield. Ramses blasts a sunbeam spell at him. Joshua gets burned, but shoots him again. In the hail of bullets Ramses dies and all the remaining mummies fall apart. Erik throws his hammer once more and the thunderbolt knocks out the hazmat guys. Joshua re-joins the group for a hasty retreat before the police arrive.

4.4 Mad Cow and Donuts
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad. Inspired by the Turin Olympic Organizing Committee.
The events of this episode take place between Thursday, October 28th and Saturday, October 30th, 1993.
Teaser: Late Thursday night, a man in a long coat walks down Solomon's main street. He stops in front of the dark window of the Sacred Grounds, then steps into a nearby alley. Three vampires in game-face emerge from the darkness, fan out and attack. The stranger dodges every move until two vamps collide and tangle in a heap. "Pathetic." The newcomer flips two stakes from inside his coat-sleeves and dusts them. The third vampire bolts. The man continues down the street, humming a tune.

Friday morning, between showering and dressing for class, Sam and Tori find identical notes pinned to their pillows: "To you we bring the first Challenging words/ The ring, the circle, recent arrival/ Bring it to me, lest I leave town wanting / And, of course, speak of this not to others/ Your quest is given, your path is set, now go." The Challenge Club's first challenge: vague pronouncements and bad iambic pentameter does not bode well if this is the best they can do. Over breakfast, talk centers around the Homecoming game and dances. Radagast house pooled resources with the other Freshman Quad dorms to hire "Mad Cow," a ska band from Boston. Erik is totally psyched. Mad Cow never records albums and each concert is completely different. Also, in the Solomon Sentinel newspaper: "Triple murder at the Empyrean" an abandoned department store downtown. All the usual euphemisms indicate vampire activity, but unusually, this story made the front page. After class, Slayer Club checks out the crime scene. Among the garbage and "shooting gallery" paraphernalia are three chalk-outlines all in a row, and a double-ring of dried blood, as if the bodies were drained into two containers that spilled over. Soon after Slayer Club gets there, Wallace, a weaselly kid with thick glasses and allergies who is also on the Special Ops Security team, shows up. Everyone hides while Wallace takes Polaroid pictures of the crime scene, muttering, "Rings of blood. Is that what he meant?" Another Challenger on the trail.

Just after sunset, Slayer Club goes to Blaire's to ask some questions. Blaire is surly, as usual, but Sam spots another double-ring bloodstain on one table. She scrapes off a sample and goads some of the "regulars" to start talking. The night before, three vamps came in with a large bowl and jug decorated with pictures of a Greek-type army with spears and shields, led by men on horseback. They bought a lot of blood and alcohol, mixed "punch" in the bowl and shared it around. The bowl had a weird shape, too. Blaire looks it up in her correspondence-course math textbook. A toroid. The vampires claimed drinking from it made demons stronger. Sure enough, one of the regulars, a smallish flabby demon, grabs Blaire's textbook and rips it in half. Sam thanks Blaire for the help and they leave. Joshua goes to the morgue to get records of the bodies at the Empyrean while Ada and Dr. Gersham research ancient war-rituals involving toroidal bowls. Two victims were out-of-state visitors. One was a local jack-of-all-trades. From the marks on their necks and arms, they'd gone to the Empyrean in search of drugs, and got bitten instead. Dr. Gersham finds Ada quite distracting, so the research is going to take a while. Later, on patrol, Sam and Drew meet a vampire in High Acre who seems much stronger than average, but Sam softens it up and Drew decapitates it. Elsewhere, two super-strong vamps jump Erik, Michael and Tori. Michael gets pushed to the ground. Without thinking, Erik throws his hammer, knocking the vampire twenty feet down the alley, but the thunder-boom stuns Michael, too. After a long fight, Erik dusts one vampire, then pulls out his Bic lighter and Tori toasts the other. Slayer Club meets back at Dr. Gersham's office, where he and Ada found a reference to a bowl and pitcher set, unearthed at Mycenae by archeologists from a Berlin museum back in the '20s, that match the description of the bowl at Blaire's. Sam performs a seeker-spell with some of the dried blood-punch that she scraped off of Blaire's table. Several spots glow on the map—the Empyrean, Blaire's, the morgue, and a hill behind High Acre. Since it's late, everyone decides to go to bed and look for Mycenaean artifacts in the morning.

Saturday morning, Slayer Club and Dr. Gersham meet at the Sacred Grounds for coffee and donuts before spelunking above High Acre. They find one cavern where super-strong feral dogs attack. Slayer Club fights them off. In another cave, they find the artifacts and six coffins. Tori takes out her lighter, and then there were no coffins (but did something so fast as to be nearly invisible escape the flames—or was that just a trick of the light?). Sam carries the artifacts back to Martense, where they're thoroughly cleaned with soap, water, wine, and holy water. Tori feels a strong attraction to the bowl, as if it belongs to her. Michael cautions her to think carefully about her path. She could do worse than emulate Athena-Nike, but that is her choice to make. Sam finally brings up the Challenge notes. It's obvious that the "ring, recently arrived" refers to the toroid bowl, and that they're supposed to give it to someone who has also arrived recently. But is that a good idea? Everyone weighs in, and they decide to keep the artifacts inside the Orb of Conveyance, hidden in Sam's attic. Sam and Drew go inside the Orb while Erik and Tori stand guard. Wallace arrives at the Kessler's house with a magic compass and a wand. He sniffles and demands "the ring" be given to him (with much quoting of Tolkien). When Sam and Drew re-appear, Wallace startles. Erik punches him out and confiscates his stuff. They take Wallace to the infirmary and the Orb to a new hiding place at Drew's house. Sam and Tori go looking for Aaron, the senior who signed them up for the Challenge, but they can't find him before the football game, so Slayer Club cheers Martense's win over their rival, Mysketonic State.

At the Freshman Quad dance, Mad Cow gets everyone's feet tapping. Sam and Drew dance together; even though ska isn't either of their favorites, the singer is really good. Erik asks Jennifer Alverez. Joshua and Marcy decide that their first "date" to the demon art auction last year didn't really count, so they go to the dance together. Tori takes Chet Hudson, a good-looking rugby player, but his capacity for beer is disgusting, so she ditches him early. Dr. Gersham asks Ada, but she politely declines in favor of going with Michael. Unperturbed, Dr. Gersham asks the head of the Religion department to be his date instead. After the dancing is done and the buffet demolished, Mad Cow's lead singer corners Sam and Tori and introduces himself as Valerus. He says he thinks they have something for him. Sam disagrees. Valerus can't prove he's the right person to receive the artifacts. Deliberate cryptic has its drawbacks. So Slayer Club will keep them. Valerus is actually pleased by this. After giving them closer scrutiny, he says Sam and Tori aren't the usual kind of mage wanna-bes they get for the Challenge. (If he doesn't know who they are already, they aren't about to tell him.) He tries to describe how magic affects them, which he finds fascinating. Sam takes a good look at Tori and Erik (who is more typical of a mage-in-training). For just a moment, Sam is able to see the magical forces as Valerus sees them. That pleases him even more. He tells Aaron to take Sam and Tori off the Challenge list. Since they've already found their potential they'd just blow the curve for others, like Tiffany and Wallace. Michael and Dr. Gersham confer and agree that they've either heard of, or met, Valerus before. Ada calls in to the Watcher archives and a few days later gets an answer: an Italian Watcher, circa 1700, mentioned in his diary that a mage, Valerus, "was going to found a new school, in the New World." Apparently, one of the founders of Martense is alive and well, and singing in a ska band.

4.5 Teenage Mutant Ninja Girls
Written and directed by Greg Pearson.
The events of this episode take place on Sunday, October 31st, 1993.
Teaser: 5:38 AM—Erik wakes from a drunken sleep with the urgent need to get rid of the previous night's beer. He grabs his robe and stumbles toward the bathroom, but then remembers that this is the women's bathroom. He heads downstairs to the men's bathroom, empties his bladder, and washes his hands. Still half-asleep, Erik attempts to return to his room, but has to stop because there's a girl standing in the bathroom doorway, dressed all in black, authentic ninja garb. She reaches to cover his mouth, but even half-asleep Erik has reflexes. He dodges to one side, and sees a second ninja girl behind her, holding a drawn katana, and two more standing in front of the second bathroom door down the hall. Erik tries to yell for help, but the second ninja hits him on the back of the head with the hilt of her sword. Erik goes nitey-nite.

10:00 AM or so—Joshua does the Walk of Shame back from Marcy's dorm, while Drew wakes up to loud pounding on Sam's door. Sam, already awake and halfway through her morning calisthenics, swings down from the chin-up bar that Erik installed in her ceiling and answers the door. It's Ian, the JA, announcing a hall meeting in 15 minutes. Since this isn't Drew's floor, he decides to go take a shower. When Drew emerges from the bathroom, Sam fills him in: Erik was attacked last night, right outside her room, which pisses her off. As soon as Drew gets dressed, they're going to the infirmary to see him. Joshua and Tori join, both to see Erik and avoid being drafted by the Haunted House committee.

Radagast and the other Frosh dorms (Melf, Tenser, and Evard) have left the tent up from last night's Homecoming extravaganza, and plan competing haunted houses for tonight's Halloween party. Since most of the dorm dues for this semester were spent hiring Mad Cow, the haunted houses are designed on a shoestring, but at least some of the students are enthused about them. Each of Radagast's halls chose a horror-movie theme: The Shining, The Nightmare Before Christmas (which Erik and Jennifer designed and he was supposed to help build), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Jennifer is doubly worried, about Erik, and about how she's supposed to do the haunted house without him.

At the infirmary, Erik says, "I got jumped by ninjas!" JA Ian found him unconscious in the first floor common room. Director Wilson lets regular school security investigate the break-in; unless Slayer Club has ninja enemies they want to tell her about (they don't), she figures it was just mundane thieves who thought ninja costumes wouldn't attract much attention on Halloween weekend. Erik has a concussion and has to stay in the infirmary for observation. Joshua doesn't buy the "ninjas-as-burglars" theory and decides to investigate on his own. At brunch, Dr. Gersham tracks down Slayer Club and asks to join their table. It's not unusual for faculty to share a meal with their students, even though no one in Slayer Club is currently taking Dr. Gersham's classes. He went looking for Professor Sayier first, and Erik second. Since neither was available, he came looking for the others to talk about his new project: messenger pigeons. Not real birds, but clay sculptures imbued with Kabala magic. Golems. He thought Erik might be interested to see the final enchantment, since he has some talent in that area. Sam and Tori are also interested, so after brunch they and Drew accompany Dr. Gersham while Joshua goes off to investigate their dorm for more clues.

Joshua nimbly avoids being conscripted by the Haunted House-builders and easily picks the locks on several dorm rooms whose owners haven't been seen all day. Erik's room is messy, but nothing seems suspiciously out of place. Susie Tenaka's room is even messier. There are no clothes in her closet, but large heaps all over the floor, topped by papers, strewn books, and makeup. For a minute Joshua thinks Susie might have been the ninja's real target, but on second thought, most of the books are on her bookshelf, and all her desk and dresser drawers are in place, so the room wasn't searched, and nothing is broken as there would be if there'd been a fight. In contrast, Dylan Reese's room is as neat as a military billet. There's a Stars-n-Bars blanket on the bed and a Confederate flag pinned up over the Mac computer on the desk. All his books are arranged in alphabetical order. Joshua checks the closet. There are four empty spaces in the shoetree, and several empty hangers at the back, next to a Confederate uniform with a hole in the sleeve. There's also no sign of Dylan's weapon-case. He evidently had a reenactment this weekend. Everyone else in Radagast house is accounted for by early afternoon.

The day winds on. Sam looks forward to a night without patrolling, as real demons and vampires won't be caught above ground for any cause. She and Drew don their costumes: he's the 5th Dr. Who (in cricket pants and with a celery stalk in his lapel) and Sam steps way out of character as Leela, his barbarian companion. Tori goes '60's retro-future in a plastic mini-skirt dress and thigh-high boots, with her hair coiled high up on her head. Joshua debates shaving his head, but opts for a skullcap and fake beard as Ming the Merciless. They all enjoy the haunted houses, and get a real snicker from Evard House's Anne Rice vampire boudoir. Most of the vampire costumes are classic Legosi, but someone in the crowd has a latex "game-face" like a real vampire. Sam tries to see who it is, but they disappear before she can find out. Other themes are Western cowboys and cowgirls, a lot of pirates, and six Japanese women dressed as anime characters with different neon-colored hair. Susie Tenaka and her new boyfriend (sculptor of the enhanced "David") finally show up, wearing sheet-togas and goofy smiles.

Periodically through the evening Slayer Club checks Radagast, just to see that everything is okay. As midnight nears, Sam and Drew spot the anime-women slip inside and go up to the fourth floor, where they lurk suspiciously around the door to Xiu Mei Chen's room. They aren't from Radagast, and the haunted houses are mostly done. Joshua pretends to take their photo for the newspaper, but as soon as the flash goes off, they attack. Even though they have katanas, they don't use the blades, so Slayer Club responds with non-lethal force. One of them makes it into the room, and she and Xiu Me fight. However, when three of the anime-ninjas are unable to get the better of Sam, and another one gets pinned by Drew for several minutes, they decide to call off the attack and jump through a window to escape. All except for one, who Dr. Gersham trips up with a bucket of slime from The Black Lagoon. Xiu Me thanks Slayer Club for the assistance, but is cautious about saying too much, only that the ninjas come from an organization that has "philosophical differences" with her temple back home. She says that, now that they know she's not as easy a target as they thought she'd be, she doubts they'll be back and asks Slayer Club to let the captured ninja go. Perhaps, in time, she will come to trust Slayer Club. For now, another Halloween is over. Back to the real world.

4.6 Lab Rats
Written and directed by Tim Ballew.
The events of this episode take place on Friday, November 12th, 1993.
Teaser: Ever since Samantha Kessler's 19th birthday, her nightmares have returned, with a vengeance. She dreams her father is dead because he never stopped drinking. Her friends left Solomon and never looked back. She is alone. In search of relief, or at least understanding, Sam volunteers for Dr. Throckmorton's psychology experiment in monitoring sleep. Student volunteers are paid in "points," currency good in the dining halls, so Erik also signs up. However, in the darkest hour of Friday morning, Sam wakes in a cold sweat, pulls the electrodes from her skin, and storms out of Morris Hall. She's looking around for her car when three scruffy young men challenge her to a fight. Sam is not in the mood for this. She attempts to evade them, but one catches her, goes "game face" and bites. Sam screams as she's being dragged off. A very rumpled Erik runs out of Morris Hall, shouting for someone, anyone, to call the police.

Drew isn't concerned when Sam doesn't show for breakfast, but does worry when she, Erik, and Professor Sayier don't show up for History 203. After 15 minutes, Joshua declares class dismissed. Back at the dorm, Jennifer Alverez tells Drew that Erik called her from the Solomon police station. He sounded upset and said that Sam Kessler was in trouble. Drew, Joshua, and Tori rush over. The Erik they find has the same unruly hair he had in high school and is somewhat shocked to see them. He expected Drew to be at Cal Tech and Tori to be somewhere like Vassar. Joshua he barely recognizes. Drew tells Sheriff Lee about the sleep experiment and suggests that sleep-inducing drugs made Erik confused. Always happy to have drugs as an explanation for a strange event, the Sheriff lets him go. Outside, Drew quizzes Erik a bit more and concludes that he slipped over from a different reality during the night. He explains to Erik that the world he's in now is one like in a comic book, with vampires and demons, where Sam and Tori are superheroes and the rest of them are their sidekicks. Erik is psyched. Like "Our Erik" he loves comic books and always wanted to be a hero. They're planning how to rescue the alternate version of Sam, when Dr. Gersham joins them, showing off his newest golem: a greyhound that sniffs out magic. They try to use the golem to follow Alt-Sam's trail, but it goes cold at the street where her captors drove off.

Meanwhile, in another universe: Samantha Kessler wakes up on a soft cot in Professor Throckmorton's sleep experiment. It's 8 AM. A smiling intern guides her to the wake-up room for coffee and donuts. Sam begins to describe her dream, where her father is dead, but the intern frowns. According to her file, Samuel Kessler is dead, of liver and kidney failure, and has been for the past six months. Sam can't believe it, but plays along until she can check things out. When Erik wakes up, Sam gives him coffee and relates what she learned. Behind Morris Hall, her Jeep is parked on the street. At least, it has her license plates, and her keys fit, but the paint is different. Drew's name isn't above his door. They drive around town. Erik's house looks the same, but at Sam's house, the front yard is all torn up. Inside, the wall between the living room and kitchen is half-demolished and her father's room is covered in a blanket of dust. Today's Sentinel has only two obituaries, which is nearly an all-time low. But page two has a lurid story about "The Vampire Murder," describing how a body was found in a warehouse near the river, punctured at the neck and drained of blood. Definitely not the sort of thing usually covered in the Sentinel.

With no other leads, Drew and company decide to check out Blaire's. Blaire is almost giddy, because the three vamps brought "Sam's" body here for all to see and jeer at. At first Baire threatens to attack, now that there's no Slayer to deal with. A flick of Tori's lighter makes her think twice, though, and she relates the story of how three out-of-town vamps got lucky and took out the Slayer. Blaire even tells where they went at sunrise: the Witch Tunnels. When Slayer Club finds the place, the party is still going strong. More than a dozen vampires and demons headbanging around kegs of beer and four suspended cages with humans in them. Alt-Sam's body is tied to a beam above the fireplace. Alt-Erik throws Erik's hammer with a great, vampire-shattering Kaboom! Dr. Gersham tosses a bag of sticky, flammable goo to block the room's other exit. Joshua jumps up to free the prisoners, while Tori plays with the torches. Then, Alt-Sam goes "game-face" and tears off her bindings. Two vampires grab Alt-Erik and make an Erik-sandwich. Vamp-Sam attacks Joshua, but he's wearing a metal collar. He empties his pistol-clip into her stomach, so she turns on Drew. Drew hesitates before swinging his sword, but one of the giant demons falls between them before Vamp-Sam can take advantage of it. Tori is throwing fireballs, so Vamp-Sam decides to flee, over the smoldering goo and down the tunnel. After the last vampire is dusted, Dr. Gersham, Joshua, and Tori rush Alt-Erik (who took a nasty bite to the neck from one of the vamps) and the surviving prisoners to the emergency room. Drew follows Vamp-Sam. Vamp-Sam finds the secret door from the Witch Tunnels into the Sacred Grounds' storeroom, where she jumps Ada, but Jonathan feels the bite instead. Confused, Vamp-Sam tries to bite Jonathan. Drew catches up just in time to see Ada shoot what she thinks was her Slayer in the back with a crossbow. Drew explains the situation, much to Ada's relief, at least until Drew points out that they may have needed Vamp-Sam alive to get their Sam back. Then she's just mad that they didn't tell her anything, again. They sweep up Vamp-Sam's dust and put it in a to-go cup in case it's needed later.

In the alternate universe, Sam and Erik borrow some weapons from his parents' SCA gear and check out the warehouse where the "Vampire Murder" took place. They find a chalk outline, a wooden altar dripping with candles and Sanskrit runes, and a hidden door leading to the Witch Tunnels. Following this, Sam and Erik discover a room covered in silk and brocade like a scene out of The Arabian Nights. An enormous vampire lolls on the cushions like a pasha, talking with a slick-looking man in an expensive suit. Snatches of overheard conversation, suggest that the human is a Wolfram & Hart lawyer and they're using this place as a kind of witness protection dimension. Sam confronts them. The lawyer beats a hasty retreat. The vampire, Vikram, casts a spell of energy-snakes that fells Erik, and grabs a curved Tulwar sword from the wall. Vikram and Sam exchange blows. For all his bulk, he moves like a tiger. Sam cuts his sword-arm off at the shoulder, but the arm begins to grow back. Finally, she cuts his other arm off, and then his head. He makes a very big pile of dust. Sam takes the Tulwar and carries Erik outside. His left arm is scorched black and he's in terrible pain. She administers first aid with the kit in her Jeep, but he needs magical medicine. They go back to Morris Hall. Sam hides the swords in a locker and Dr. Throckmorton agrees to add them to tonight's roster for an emergency session. The lawyer is there as well. He pretends to know nothing about anything strange going on. Sam gives up trying to ask him, and she and Erik prepare to go to sleep.

Alt-Erik can probably be returned home through another session in the dream experiment. But, with Alt-Sam dead, nobody is quite sure how to get the real Sam back. Ada and Pandora research dimensional portal spells, while Slayer Club goes to Morris Hall to talk to Dr. Throckmorton. After the Doctor makes the expected denials, Drew slips out into the hall calls Director Wilson and explains what's going on. In the room next to the sleeping room, Joshua finds a strange device of coils and electrical balls like a Van de Graff machine, a "Jungian Entanglement Field Generator" which Dr. Throckmorton defends as an integral part of his experiment. Alt-Erik is allowed to join the group for tonight. His injuries aren't too serious, but they're enough to convince him that "comic book world" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Also among the group is a slick-looking fellow wearing monogrammed pajamas. When all the volunteers are asleep, Joshua takes a marker and puts blue dots on everyone's left hand. The Wolfram and Hart guy gets a big L on his forehead, either for 'lawyer' or 'loser'. About four AM, Erik wakes up screaming. His hair is short, his arm is completely black, and there's a small snake squirming out of a crack in his flesh. They catch the snake and take them both to Martense's infirmary. There's a similar Wolfram and Hart lawyer asleep in the next bed, but this one isn't marked with an L. Several other sleepers have also lost their blue dots. This provides enough evidence for Director Wilson to shut down Dr. Throckmorton's experiment until it can be determined how to get the people back to their home dimensions. Joshua absconds with the JEFG, but he'll end up having to give it back once Director Wilson manages to figure out who else needs to be returned to the other universe.

Meanwhile, Samantha wanders alone in a foggy landscape. There should be a door, or gate, or something, but it's not here. In the distance, a wolf howls. Sam tries to decide whether or not to follow it, when out of the fog emerges Sylvia. Sam is relieved to see a familiar face. She asks for a favor, a guide home. Sylvia points out that Sam's silver cord is severed (because her other self is dead), and agrees to make a detour through Solomon on her way back to Italy. When Sam and Sylvia arrive, there's much hugging and kissing and comparing of notes. Slayer Club decides to put a little Slayer-fear back into the local vampire population. Sam pushes open Blaire's door and shouts "I'm Baaa-ck!" Blaire's mouth hangs open. Sam does a head-count and slaps a handful of bills on the bar. "I want to buy a round for the house. Slayer's treat." She grins. "Eat, drink and be merry, guys, for tomorrow night, you'll surely die." She and her friends leave. Blaire scoops up the money and pockets it before the first demon recovers enough to order his refill.

Interlude: Visitors
Written by Jodi Roosenraad.
The events of this story take place between Saturday, November 13th and Tuesday, November 16th, 1993.
Five slayings and a funeral.

4.7 48 Hours in Solomon
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place on Tuesday, November 23rd and Wednesday, November 24th, 1993.
Teaser: A TV set, showing the screen-image of "Slaying Solomon" – Words begin to scroll down the face. "This week's episode of Slaying Solomon will not be shown, so that we may bring you this special presentation – 48 hours in Solomon, Massachusetts. Coming soon on Fox!" This is followed by some obviously amateur footage of masked PETA members freeing the turkeys at Johnson's Turkey Farm. The turkeys leave in a very orderly manner. The camera pans back, showing Ada watching TV. "Oh, dear! That's not good at all."

Erik invites Jennifer over to his house for Thanksgiving dinner, and promises to cook a real turkey, not a Tofurkey, as his parents usually do. Pandora will join Drew's family, of course. Jezebel and her mother and Tori's aunt all have dinner at Tori's house (it's the "men suck!" Thanksgiving). Sam invites Ada to share their traditional roast chicken (why cook a whole turkey for only 2 or 3 people?). Dr. Gersham spends Thanksgiving vacation working on enchanting a "wand of force," with which Erik has helped him by supplying D&D "magic tomes." Speaking of Dr. Gersham's creations, Erik has an over-weight clay cockatoo following him around while Sam has a heavy gray parrot following her at a discrete distance.

On their way home after their final classes before the break, just outside Martense campus, Slayer Club gets ambushed by reporter Suzanne Norris and her cameraman and "interviewed" about the local political situation. Erik is obviously holding something back, but before Norris can push him, Sam spouts an impromptu ad for Kessler's Auto Shop, and Norris ends the interview.

Later, on TV, Suzanne Norris interviews Congressman Sorensen and Sheriff Lee about why the murder rate in Solomon has dropped so precipitously in recent years. They tout "Zero-tolerance," "Drug enforcement," and "congressional appropriations for law enforcement". Sheriff Lee is running for Mayor next spring, with Congressman Sorensen's backing. The two of them and Norris are trying to see who can monopolize the cameras most.

That evening, Ada throws Sam a little party, since this is the third anniversary of her Calling, with a candle in a giant muffin, and a present: a leather-bound journal, which Ada asks Sam to please use, if she's not going to let Ada chronicle her adventures. Sam thanks her, and promises to do so. Then, she goes home and helps her father clean the garage (again!)

Drew goes home to find his kitchen trashed, and the turkey missing out of the fridge. Tori, also, finds her family's turkey is gone. Her mother is upset because the turkey-thief got through a very expensive security system. Erik finds the same thing and is also very upset, but for a different reason: cooking turkey is step 1 in Operation Thanksgiving. The final step is getting Jennifer to go to bed with him. He's even researched "rituals" involving turkeys in the Martense library (fortunately only through a seemingly mundane Julia Childs cookbook).

News on the radio tells of a truck driver who went missing, carrying a load of frozen turkeys from New York. A few hours later, his truck is found, empty, and the driver dead.

Erik talks Drew and Tori into driving to Poukipsie to buy replacement turkeys, since none are found anywhere in Solomon's county. On the way back, right on the Massachusetts border, a tire blows out. It's late and dark on a lonely road in rural New England. Cue psycho-killer music! Erik concentrates on changing the tire while Tori and Drew cover him. A voice comes out of the shrubbery: "Leave the birds!" Tori notices that the voice is always in front of them, no matter which way they turn. It gets more insistent, asking if the turkeys are worth their lives, and gives them 10 seconds to turn over their birds, or face the consequences. Erik and Drew put the cooler containing the frozen turkeys on the side of the road, intending to nab whoever tries to steal it. But the cooler moves by itself, and even though they follow, it vanishes into the underbrush.

Undeterred, the three get back into Erik's Jeep, and recruit Sam and Dr. Gersham to help get more turkeys in the morning, when it's light out. Again, road-trip to Poukipsie. At the Massachusets border, trees are felled across the road and their vehicles are bombarded by frozen turkeys, so Slayer Club is forced to continue on foot. After ignoring several ominous warnings similar to the one they heard last night, Slayer Club finds themselves in a foggy valley surrounded by hundreds of live turkeys. When Slayer Club refuses to turn back or abandon their Thanksgiving dinners, the turkeys attack. Turkeys aren't very dangerous but a thousand of them, working together are quite a handful. Tori uses her fire to roast a few of them, but most of the turkeys on the edges of the blast roll in he snow to douse the falmes and come of little more than singed. While the boys flail at the turkeys with their weapons, Sam uses her Sight to see some sort of magic that affecting all the turkeys, and uses the Kessler Sword to dispell it. It works and all the turkeys in this area (at least, the ones Tori hasn't cooked) are once again normal birds. Erik calls for backup on the CB radio and to let the turkey farm know that some of their birds have been found. When the sheriff and people from the farm arrive, Suzanne Norris and cameraman are with them. They try to interview Slayer Club again, and even offer some inducement: the film with the PETA group had more footage that didn't make it on-air. Beside the PETA commandoes, a group of people gather around a circle, casting a spell on the turkeys. Slayer Club thanks them for letting them see the footage, but still won't talk.

Meanwhile, there are still several thousand "zombie turkeys" unaccounted for. Drew heats up a thermos full of holy water and brings packets of instant gravy to make Holy Gravy, and a baster to apply it. Then Slayer Club heads for the turkey farm to investigate the ritual. Sam finds the circle left by the ritualists, but there is no residue of magic, only a thin gold filament and runes of binding scratched into the dirt. Just as they're about to leave, though, more turkeys show up. This time, perhaps because they're not carying frozen turkeys, Slayer Club is able to have something like a conversation with the telepathic voice. It seems that the ritual tied all the turkeys together into an intelligent hive mind. The hive mind isn't yet sure what it's ultimate goals are but, for now, it will start with freeing its imprisoned brethern from the turkey farm and rescuing the corpses of the fallen from refrigerators and supermarkets and giving them a decent buriel. Without any real strategy for dealing with thousands of intelligent turkeys, Slayer Club has little choice but to stand by and watch as the recaptured turkeys again flee the coop and are reincorporated into the hive mind.

Having learned nothing about the ritual by examining the site, Slayer Club decides to try to track down the ritualists. So they go to the jail, where Sheriff Lee has rounded up all the local members of PETA. While Drew and Erik talk their way into the jail and distract the prisoners, Sam examines their auras. Some of the PETA people have magical aptitude, but no one looks powerful enough to have cast the spell. They're mostly Martense students, complaining that Sheriff Lee threw their (Wolfram & Hart) lawyer out of the building. Finding nothing to help with their turkey investigation, Slayer Club leaves. Sam circles the jail, noting a strand of magical energy streaming off to the north. Sheriff Lee and Congressman Sorensen are on the front steps holding forth for the cameras. The magic-strand seems to be coming from Suzanne Norris, but on closer inspection, it's her cameraman who's maintaining the spell.

This time, when Norris asks for an interview, Slayer Club agrees. They suggest going to the Sacred Grounds, but there's a concert going on there. Norris suggests the park instead. She keeps trying to get Erik to spill about Slayer Club's activities. She asks about the Paradise Theater, and how it burned down. She asks about the Old Salem Brew Pub, and the "escaped parade float" incident at Winter Carnival. Erik and Drew keep Norris talking while Sam concentrates on dispelling the hive-mind at its source, but she doesn't have her sword. Next best thing, she yanks the spell free by brute force of will. It's not a pretty job, and gives the cameraman a splitting headache.

The whole situation becomes clear. The newscasters staged the turkey-theft, casting the spell to keep the turkeys under control and clear of Solomon until after Thanksgiving. However, the more turkeys that joined the hive mind, the smarter and more ambitious it got. The cameraman couldn't control them when they killed the truck driver, and he couldn't keep them from seeking more of their kind to expand the hive. However, now that the spell is gone, there are 4,000 birds wandering a shallow cave system north of Solomon, where they went to keep warm. Sam removes the film from the camera and suggests that they don't come back to her town again. Norris claims to have enough footage already to make the local police, Town Council, and mayoral canditates look like total fools. Especially the bit about Sheriff Lee throwing the Wolfram and Hart lawyer out, in clear violation of the rights of the prisoners. Slayer Club is okay with this, so long as none of the supernatural stuff makes it on-air.

Funny enough, the show never materializes. Fox pulls its advertisements about 48 hours in Solomon and nothing is ever said about it again.

4.8 Gott in Himmel
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place between Friday, December 10th and Wednesday, December 15th, 1993.
Teaser: A European church, figures in hooded robes, chanting in Latin. One person runs up the aisle, genuflects, and waves to the priest. "Herr Hochtmeister, bitte komme, schneller, bitte!" The camera rotates, Hunt for Red October-style and the words are translated into English. "Please come, quickly, please!" The priest leaves the chanting circle and follows the acolyte to a font at the base of Mother Mary's statue. The acolyte waves his hand over the water, and reflected in the surface is the scene from Lab Rats where Vampire-Sam gets dusted by Ada. The priest shakes his head. "We knew this day would come. Gather a team. We must collect the artifact immediately."

Last day of classes, beginning of Reading Period before final exams, and that means – Minutiae! The Martense semi-annual contest of minute knowledge, aired over WMAR radio all night long. Questions played with songs, hourly tests, Action! challenges where students to come down to the radio station and act out scenes as dictated by the running team. The grand prize? A small trophy, and getting to run the contest next time! Fun for all ages! Safe for fabrics! (Unless it's an Action! challenge and Jell-o is involved.) Slayer Club, comprised of Sam, Drew, Tori, Joshua, Erik, Jennifer, Callie and Jonathan, Ada, and Pandora meet at the Sacred Grounds to form their team, "The blood-sucking Brady Bunch" (from The Lost Boys, natch) and collect all the reference books they can put together – a truly impressive amount, given that Pandora and Tori are both raring to win, and they have a Watcher on the team. Also, having an industrial-size kitchen and an unlimited source of caffeine is a plus. The first Action! Challenge is "Come down and act out the Battle of Hastings, in two minutes or less." They have an hour to prepare and go. Erik and Jennifer form the Saxon side, Joshua and Tori are Normans. They go to the Brew Pub to get "props" for extra points, but find a bunch of men in black balaclavas ("Ninjas!" shouts Eric) trying to open the vault and a real fight breaks out.

After knocking several of the "ninjas" senseless, Erik manages to get one to talk. They are from the Teutonic Order of Austria, and they're looking for the Kessler Sword, since the Slayer is dead. Erik scoffs. That was another Sam, and she wasn't even the Slayer. Erik and Tori swear it's true, and offer to take the knights to the Sacred Grounds so they can see for themselves. All is explained, and the Slayer Club quartet hurry off to do the Battle of Hastings before time runs out. The knights agree to let Sam keep her sword (as if they have a choice) and prepare to leave. There's an argument at the car. One knight refuses to get in. The others drive off. A block later, the car explodes, shattering windows all along Main Street. The surviving knight runs off alone. Slayer Club helps Ada and Jonathan clean up, and then move their Minutiae team to the Brew Pub, which is not so cozy as the Sacred Grounds, but there might be others who think the Slayer is dead, and want to get their hands on the magical items that Slayer Club has in the vault. Erik finds a dagger pinning a note to the Brew Pub's front door: "We know where you are." Signed with a swastika. The rest of the night, Pandora leads the team to win "Best Frosh Team" and take 6th overall in the contest. Sam tries to use the dagger to scry for the Nazis, but is blocked. She only gets a direction: southwest, a line directly towards New York City. Slayer Club sets up rotating guard-duty with Sam taking the first shift. The vault is never alone after this.

Saturday afternoon, after sleeping as late as possible, Drew finds two notes on his desk, with familiar runes in the place of return addresses. Gerhard Cole and Mr. Tyler have also heard about the Slayer's ersatz demise, and think it would be better to move the brooch they've been arguing over to a safer location. Drew asks Ada for help in sending the replies. Ada is flattered, even though she's wired on caffeine and exhausted, having overseen the glazier's replacement of her windows since shortly after the contest ended. They send the message-sprites, explaining again that Sam's death has been greatly exaggerated, and the brooch is just as safe as it ever was. Drew requests that if Herr Cole and Mr. Tyler have any other questions, to either come in person or use the telephone.

Sunday after Mass, Father Leoni tells Sam that the Church has been routinely fending off scrying attempts of people and/or things attempting to find her. Lately, the number of these attempts has fallen off dramatically. This is either good, or worrisome, depending. They don't know who or what was the source of these scryings; they simply diverted them elsewhere, but he thought she ought to know. Slayer Club continues guarding the vault, combined with studying for exams.

Monday: Drew is on watch at the Brew Pub when there's a pounding on the door. It's Gerhard Cole. A few minutes later, Mr. Tyler arrives. Drew invites them in and offers hot chocolate. They want to see the brooch, to know it's safe. Drew can't open its box (Erik still can't remove Mr. Barrow's class ring, which is the key) but he shows it to them, and they're satisfied. They return to the Orchards, where they continue their on-going discussion about the brooch, and other esoteric things. Later that night, Tori, Drew, Erik, Jennifer, and Sam are all at the Brew Pub, eating pizza and studying, when five big, ugly demons with big, ugly clubs show up. They were at the party surrounding Alt-Sam's vampirification, where two of their buddies got killed, and they want payback.

Those clubs pack a wallop. Erik, Drew, Tori, and Sam practice their slo-mo dodging and flying around the room by turns. However, the Brew Pub is stocked with all of Slayer Club's extra weaponry. Erik wields a battle-axe, wedging it deep in one demon's torso. Drew impales another with his rapier, and then grabs a crossbow. Tori picks up a chainsaw. Sam disembowels and decapitates. In the end, the five uglies are dead. Their bodies sublimate into oily vapors, which have to be aired out of the pub, and their heads get dumped down the nearest entrance to the Witch Tunnels. Jennifer tries to help, impaling a crossbow bolt in the wall, and then takes over first aid duty. She was a volunteer EMT in California, so the blood doesn't shock her. But the demons do. She thought Erik was just teasing about his after-school activities. Now, she knows he was telling the truth. She's not sure what to think about that. Sam finds a briefcase that the demon-leader was carrying. When Joshua shows up for his shift of vault-guard duty, he easily picks the lock. Inside are pictures of Slayer Club, and a map of Solomon with the Brew Pub marked with a red X. On the way back from disposing of the demon-heads, Sam and Drew spot someone in the woods. He runs away, but leaves behind a pair of binocs with a swastika emblem. Slayer Club decides to go to Blaire's to follow the possible demon/Nazi connection. Joshua and Jennifer stay behind to guard the vault and test Joshua's teaching methods for a Student Winter Study class he's planning on card sharking. At Blaire's, there is no Blaire's. The bar has been burned to the ground, with several piles of not-wood ashes dotted around the ruins. Blaire escaped into her cave, and so survived, but she's pissed. She doesn't know who did it, but there was a human wearing a hood there last night, buying drinks for everyone except himself, and asking a lot of questions. She supposes that word could have gotten back to the club-weilding demons, but they don't hang out at her place. Ceiling was too low. No ceiling, now. Picking through the rubble, Blaire finds her cash-register, a massive, 1950s style thing. The pop-up tabs are singed, but the cash inside is safe. Whoo-hoo! Slayer Club wishes her luck in re-building, and leaves.

Tuesday, Sam and Erik take their Applied Theology/Esoteric Arts exam. They have one hour to identify what's inside a black box, by correctly interpreting four runes drawn around it, which are covered, and magically enchanted so they cannot be copied. They must either describe the correct method of controlling the thing, or actually draw the circle around the box to do so. The trick is, if more than two runes are uncovered at the same time, the box opens. At the end of the hour, the box opens anyway. Erik draws his rune-circle with artistic flair and gets an A. Sam draws hers as close to the box as possible, so when the water-imp appears, it can only fly straight up, or hover, which is impossible for imps to do. So, it goes up and down like a fountain. She also gets an A. Drew takes his most difficult exams first, as does Tori. Joshua is not so worried about exams. He has his gymnastics career mapped out, from the Olympics to the Wheaties box. That night, they all go to the Orchards, which has completely remodeled their bar since the last time Slayer Club visited. It's now a lovely Art Deco theme. Drew has a proposition for Herr Cole and Mr. Tyler. Since they are so concerned about the safety of the mysterious brooch, perhaps they might have some suggestions... whatever they would add to help Slayer Club protect the item would be gratefully accepted, if they both agree on the plan, and it doesn't prevent Slayer Club from getting into their own vault. Cole and Tyler agree to the challenge. They're quite pleased when Drew tells them that Barrows died in this very room and toast their former colleague with "good riddance."

Wednesday, Cole and Tyler install the new security system, with Erik running errands for them. Interlocking circles of magical monitoring, getting stronger closer to the Pub. If any circle is disabled, it makes the adjacent circles that much stronger. And any broken circle sets off the alarm, keyed to a bagful of matchboxes from the Orchards, which are enchanted to 'buzz' inaudibly, but forcefully in the bearer's mind. Drew tests the system by leaving his matchbook in Sam's Jeep, and approaching the pub. It works very well. Sam escorts Drew out of the protected area, and back in again, and the monitor re-sets itself. Cole and Tyler are pleased that the results were so satisfactory. They agree that the brooch is perfectly alright right where it is, and they'd still rather have a third party looking after it in any case. They both leave for warmer climes, but promise to keep in touch if Slayer Club has any questions. The enchantment will last for about ten months, but will fade in time, so Erik and Pandora study the runes to try to learn how to maintain it. Slayer Club continues guarding the vault, even sleeping at the pub, until the Nazis show their hands.

Which happens at 3 AM. Everyone is woken by the first buzz of the outer perimeter. Sam and Drew look out the back windows, Tori looks out the front. Joshua goes to the back porch with his his machine-pistols. Erik covers the front with his hammer. Jennifer sets up a first aid station behind the bar. Upstairs, Drew and Tori shoot several Nazis with their crossbows before they can approach. Sam unlimbers her new, special catalog purchase: a massive compound bow intended for big-game hunting. It easily punctures Nazis at fifty yards, and closing. Once they run under cover of the porches, Sam moves to the upstairs balcony. The Nazis use a grenade to blow the front door off its hinges, even though it was already open. Drew lies prone on the balcony with his crossbow. Tori pulls a Norman kite shield for some cover, and uses her power over fire to make the Nazis's guns explode. Unfortunately, Joshua is also caught in the effect. In the fire-fight, Erik gets shot and Sam takes a couple of bullets in the shoulder. Joshua's right hand is bloody, but not too badly damaged. Jennifer patches them up. One of the Nazis survives, but before Slayer Club can question him, he bites down on a cyanide tooth. Jennifer is getting used to Slayer Club's battles by now. Erik explains that things aren't usually this bad; mostly they just fight demons and demons don't use guns.

Epilogue: A crew-cut, blue-eyed man in a dark suit reads a report, his brow furrowing. "Well, that was a complete disaster." He throws the report on his desk and addresses someone behind the camera: "Next time, we should use less mundane methods."

4.9 Mail Call
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place on Friday, December 17th, 1993.
Teaser: "Mail CAM" POV of an envelope – from mailbox, to bag, to vehicle, to a box in the mailroom at Martense. Darkness. Voice: "Are you sure that's all five?" Flashlights, a face obscured by a black balaclava. Voices chanting. A flash of light. Darkness.

It's the last day before Christmas vacation. All students must vacate their rooms by 5 pm Monday, when all the dorms are locked. After a dining hall "clean the fridge" lunch (meatless jambalaya, yum!), Sam, Drew, Tori, Erik, and Joshua go to the Student Union to pick up their Winter Study assignments. Two MiB emerge from a black limousine and approach Joshua. They talk, and Joshua willingly gets in the car with them. The others wonder: "Family" connections, or friends of Joshua's mom? They'll probably find out later. There's still mail to be picked up. Sam got into "Chinese Medicine and the Five Elements"; Drew's in "Ghost Stories"; Tori's got "Theater Make-up"; and Erik is taking "Look! Up in the sky! Comic Book Superheroes" with one of the artists from New England Comics. On the way back to Radagast house, Erik notices he's looking up to talk to Drew. They're all shrinking, at different rates. Sam notes a residue of magic on their class assignment letters. Thinking fast, they run toward the Library. By the time they get there, they're 1/10 normal size – Slayer Club action figures! The information desk seems like a two-story building, and the library cart next to it, a double-decker bus. Erik climbs up the cart like a rock face, holding onto the spines of the books. At the top, he drops the phone-cord over the side and Sam anchors it so everyone can climb. It takes three of them to call the Sacred Grounds: Tori listens at the earpiece, Sam yells into the mouthpiece and Drew punches the buttons. Jonathan answers. Ada and Pandora both took the red-eye back to England last night. Jonathan doesn't believe it when Sam says they're seven inches tall, but promises to bring water and muffins to the library when his customers leave. A call to the Vastarleys gets their answering machine. Likewise, Dr. Gersham and Michael are out of town.

Erik on lookout spots Ms. Carter approaching the desk. Slayer Club hides on the cart, which lurches into motion, the librarian muttering darkly about students who leave books lying around. Up on the third floor, Slayer Club slips off the cart to hide between the Kierkegaard and Kafka. When Ms. Carter leaves, they decide not to take the elevator, to avoid being seen. Instead, they build a ziggurat of books beside the fire door so they can reach the push-bar. Then, there's a long climb down to the Special Section to look for a counterspell. In the sub-basement, Erik and Sam push a swivel chair to use as a base camp to scale the card catalog. Under "S" for shrinking spells, Erik finds references to Loki's Book of Curses in Old Norse, and a scroll in ancient Aramaic, which Drew's been studying with Michael. Erik climbs the library-ladder to the Norse section. Sam power-lifts the heavy lid of the scroll chest so Drew can rummage inside. Unfortunately, the Aramaic spell requires a bonfire and is cast on an enemy's camp before battle, not on individual targets. However, Loki's book describes a curse exactly like what happened to them. There's no counterspell, but it does reference an "Odin's Nullifier," which dispels all kinds of magic. Tori looks up the Nullifier in the catalog and Erik borrows her eyeliner to copy the ingredients and incantation on a scrap of paper. Just as he finishes, the basement door opens. It's Carl the security guard and his trusty German Shepherd Rufus. Slayer Club hides under the card catalog, but the dog smells them and starts barking. With Drew standing on Sam's shoulders and Tori on Erik's, they just fit behind the catalog's legs next to the wall. Rufus sniffs, but his nose can't fit in the tight space. Carl pulls him away, turns off the lights and leaves. Sam TK's the light-switch back on, which is surprisingly easy, and Slayer Club begins the long climb back up to the ground floor.

It's after midnight and they're getting hungry. There are vending machines in the break room, but Carl is in there, drinking coffee. Rufus spots Erik peeking around the door and jumps, barking and sliding on the linoleum. Slayer Club runs back down the hall, Rufus in pursuit. The dog focuses on catching Tori, perhaps because she's wearing perfume. Sam, Drew, and Erik hide behind the water fountain while Tori scrambles back up on top of the desk. A canister of sharpened pencils make dandy spears to use if Rufus gets too close. Carl lumbers out of the break room and Tori hides behind the phone. To avoid being seen, she jumps into the trashcan behind the desk. There's a take-out bag from the Sacred Grounds with two blueberry muffins and a bottle of Perrier. Once Carl drags Rufus away again, Slayer Club comes out of hiding. Sam helps Tori push the bag out of the trash so everyone can feast on muffin crumbs and blueberries the size of basketballs. However, the bottle cap defies opening, so they get water from the fountain by taking turns pressing the button. Back up on the desk, Drew calls his father to come get them. His parents weren't expecting him home until tomorrow, but Mr. Killian's faculty ID will let him into the library. He doesn't believe Drew about being seven inches tall, however he does offer to bring munchies when he picks up his son from a presumably raucous party.

When Mrs. Killian sees her son and his friends sitting on her kitchen table, she faints. Mr. Killian carries his wife to the sofa. Erik reads off the ingredients for Odin's Nullifier – earth, ground stone, saltwater, and fish. Mr. Killian gets dirt and sand from the garden and mixes a shot-glass of water with Morton salt. It isn't seawater, but it's the best they've got. With these and some leftover salmon, Erik mixes up a noxious-looking paste, chants Old Norse over it, and then Slayer Club has to eat the stuff. That's about as disgusting as it sounds. Worst of all, nothing happens. Erik goes back over the runes, making sure he pronounced everything right. Maybe it required real seawater, or raw fish. Tori's mother is most likely to have sushi and sea salt around, so Drew asks his father to please drive them to her house. Before they leave, Drew's mom wakes up. She finds a Tupperware box of Drew's GI Joe action figures and places a GI Joe hat on Drew's head. "So cute!" It almost fits. Slayer Club all get into the Tupperware box and Mr. Killian carries them out to the car. Halfway to Tori's house, Sam notices they're growing again! Mr. Killian pulls the car over and gets out. Sam jumps into the back and Tori makes it to the driver's seat, but Drew and Erik wind up tangled on the passenger's seat. Drew's GI Joe hat grows with him until it fits perfectly, although it says, "MADE in KOREA" in large letters. Mr. Killian takes them on to Tori's so they can get her car and he can go home to bed. Slayer Club will be up for a while, investigating who did this to them. Drew thinks it could be Russell. If so, props to him for escaping the Scottish dungeon. However, Russell would've tried to kill them, or at least kill Drew, while they were small. Tori suspects a Martense practical joker, in which case they need to find out who it was and prank her or him back. Sam believes the shrinking was a diversion to keep them away from somewhere else. Slayer Club get Sam's and Erik's Jeeps and return to Radagast to arm themselves.

Their rooms have been ransacked. All their swords and crossbows are gone, as well as Erik's hammer and gloves, but the burglars missed Sam's throwing-ring, hidden inside a Frisbee in her closet. In Joshua's room, a large, blond man dressed all in black lies unconscious in the middle of the floor. Carefully, to avoid any more booby-traps, Sam drags the intruder out by his ankles and carries him down to her room for some amateur dentistry. Pain wakes him up. He tries to bite down – and nothing happens. Sam's holding his cyanide tooth. "Schiesse!" Drew gets an idea. While Sam and Erik interrogate the prisoner, who only gives his name and rank, Drew goes to find Callie and Jonathan. A little while later, Valkyrie arrives in full Aryan splendor with a black-clad minion, beats everyone up, and "rescues" the Nazi. Slayer Club follows, but lets themselves be ditched so the Nazi can get back to his buddies. Where there's one, there's always more. Like cockroaches. Slayer Club goes to the brew pub to get more weapons, then Sam scries with the cyanide tooth. It points north of town, on Rte. 7. There's a sense of déjà vu when they pass the abandoned hotel where evil Baal cultists tried to kill Tom Hayden last Homecoming, and there are lights on in some windows, so they leave their vehicles and sneak back. One guard takes Drew's crossbow bolt through the chest so hard he's pinned to the wall. No alarm, but Tori removes his gun. More Nazis are inside with Jonathan and Callie, whose German superhero cover is blown because she doesn't speak the language. Half the Nazis are huddled around a fire pit under the broken roof. Tori builds up the flame. Crossbows twang. Guns return fire. Erik uses one of the dead Nazis as a shield. In the crossfire, Callie is hit. Jonathan screams like a girl. Tori gets really mad and a fireball blossoms, blinding everyone. In the end, Slayer Club leaves two unconscious Nazis out in the parking lot, sans their poison teeth, but with an empty can of kerosene beside them. The dead are piled up in the fire pit. At least one survivor takes off in a helicopter. Slayer Club recover their weapons and confiscate the Nazis' equipment, including another copy of Loki's Book of Curses. Tori builds up the fire to consume the building, and then puts it out again. Slayer Club all go back to the brew pub to patch up their wounds and change clothes, then call the authorities about the fire, and treat Callie and Jonathan to breakfast in thanks for their help.

4.10 Home for the Holidays
Written and directed by Jodi Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place on Thursday, December 23rd and Friday, December 24th, 1993.
Teaser: Drew's Aunt Jessica, a former and still-hippie history professor at UC Berkley, has been estranged from her sisters (Julia and Drew's Mom, Jillian) for twenty years. She makes up for a lack of family connection by researching their family geneaology. A week before Christmas, Aunt Jessica discovers a reference to Donovan Kavanaugh in an obscure text, and immediately makes plans to return back east to see her sisters – something she hasn't done in far too long.

In Solomon, the Nazis have disappeared and bad weather has forced the fanged denizens underground. Michael has returned from an extended trip to the Holy Land (the peace accords have just been signed) and he and Dr. Gersham join Slayer Club for a walk in the snow. Greenfields Cemetary is quiet, as are High Acre and Rose Hill. However, in the small graveyard behind Martense, Drew feels an abrupt sense of déjà vu. Light and muffled noise issue from the chapel where Drew had his most intense psychometric experience, of Donovan's demon-fighting cadre at Dracula's castle, in 1582.

Inside the chapel, several vampires in game-face circle a man wearing a long cloak, with a torch in one hand and a broken chair-leg in the other. In the firelight, he bears a strong resemblance to Drew, only with a mustache and goatee. He's holding his own, but the vamps are wearing him down. Slayer Club jumps in and quickly dust the vampires. The man thanks them for the help and introduces himself as Donovan Kavanaugh. Sam slumps to the floor. Drew goes to her, alarmed. She immediately wakes up, but she's no longer Sam Kessler. She's possessed by the spirit of Sophia Kernig, who has been searching the time-lines to find Donovan and bring him home.

Drew doesn't want to reveal too much about the present to the time-travelers. They have to find out why Donovan came here and send him and Sophia back to the sixteenth century. Michael offers to let Donovan stay at his place, away from most technology. However, indoor plumbing is a luxury that Donovan would love to get used to. Sophia says that Sam is still with her, willingly allowing her to use her body. Sophia's body is still back in 1582, in a trance. Dr. Gersham confirms that the Slayer's soul is in residence, only overshadowed by the enchantress. Coy glances she gives Erik make both Erik and Drew uncomfortable, but with some time in Sam's workshop, Sophia can build the clockwork magic she needs to return Donovan to their own century. Afterwards, her own spell will end, and Sam will have control over her body again. Drew drives Sophia to the Kessler house and waves good-night. Tori gives Drew a ride home and promises to check on Sophia in the morning.

The next morning at Drew's house, when Aunt Jessica exclaims over how big Drew has grown since she last saw him, and pinches his cheeks, he gets a heebie-jeebies feeling (more of one than the general embarrassment warrants). A palpable aura of evil follows his aunt, and not just her peculiar fashion sense. Aunt Jessica and Drew's mom argue over the Christmas decorations, the menu for Christmas dinner, and then start fighting over the past twenty years. Apparently, young Jessica was in love with Stephen Killian first, but Stephen fell for Jillian instead. About then, Drew and his dad sneak out and meet the rest of Slayer Club for breakfast at the Blue Plate Diner. Drew tries to prepare his dad to meet Donovan, but it's still a shock. The resemblance is uncanny, except for the facial hair and Donovan's lack of table manners. He orders beer with his pancakes, marvels at strawberries in December, and nearly gets himself arrested by spanking the waitress as she walks away.

Across town in his appartment, Dr. Gersham notices strange behaviors in his golems. They can't bark, but if they were real dogs, he'd suspect a thunderstorm or earthquake was on the way. The disturbance comes in waves, echoing around Martense campus, which makes it difficult to triangulate but the dark, oily haze of menace seems to spread out from Drew's neighborhood.

Amid shards of broken Christmas ornaments, Drew's mom kicks her sister out of the house, so Aunt Jessica goes downtown to window-shop and clear her head. Today is the Winter Carnival parade. For the first time in three years, Tori isn't involved in any way. Kind of a relief, actually – no one will be trying to kill her on the float, or on stage, or at dinner. She hopes. This year's theme is "An Old-fashioned Christmas." Downtown Solomon is decked out with garlands of evergreen, electric candles, and ropes of cranberries and popcorn. All seems peaceful, with the new Snow Queen and her court riding horse-drawn sleighs slowly through the middle of town and Nat and Natalie Cole's voices issuing from speakers at the central pavilion. All around the Solomon Green, artists and artisans have set up kiosks to display their wares, from hand-knit sweaters to stained-glass ornaments. Several food vendors are also there, including Andrea Czarbach, selling her famous brownies and hot chocolate. Slayer Club, Mr. Killian, and Donovan make a b-line from breakfast to brownies, only pausing a moment to wish Jonathan a merry Christmas at the Sacred Grounds.

Dr. Gersham finds the source of his golems' disturbance at the Solomon Green. When Aunt Jessica spots Donovan, and he sees her, Aunt Jessica screams and a dark cloud settles over the idyllic scene, throwing all into chaos. The Snow Princesses slap-fight and throw each other off the sleighs; the horses spook and run amok; kiosks get toppled and fights break out all over, centered on Aunt Jessica, who accuses Donovan of 'killing us' and launches herself at his throat. Michael grabs Donovan while Drew and his father hold Jessica by the arms. They manage to get the two separated and whisk them into the Sacred Grounds, away from the public scene. After a few minutes, things settle down outside.

From Aunt Jessica's screams and Donovan's patchy memory of what happened to him immediately before arriving here, Slayer Club figures out that one of Melina's curses has run a 400-year course. Drew calls the Benandanti to confirm it. For standing aside while an entire family of innocent witches were burned at the stake, Melina cursed Donovan "and his entire family – to the last generation." The youngest person in the Kavanaugh family still alive is Aunt Jessica. When she found the reference to Donovan in her geneology research, the curse compelled her to come home and continue the legacy of familial strife. However, there was an unexpected wrinkle – because of Melina's Curse of Actaeon, when Drew went back to 1582, he became Donovan for a short time. Donovan was thrown forward through time, to now. When Drew solved the Actaeon curse and came home, Donovan didn't reappear in his place. That's when Sophia began searching for him. Between Drew, Michael, and Donovan himself, they get Aunt Jessica calmed down and the spirits of the slain witches convinced that Donovan and his family pay a stiff price for his crime of neglect. The spirits can finally rest peacefully. Donovan realizes that he has much to answer for, and vows to regain Melina's love and respect when he arrives home. Slayer Club know that the chance of that is nil, but they don't say anything. When Sophia gets her clockwork creation finished, Donovan bids his last descendant farewell and returns to his own time. Sophia leaves Sam simultaneously, a big relief to Drew and Erik. Slayer Club can go back to enjoying Christmas in Solomon.

4.11 A Woman Scorned
Written and directed by Tim Ballew.
The events of this episode take place on Tueday and Wednesday, January 4th and 5th, 1994.
Teaser: JFK airport, International Arrivals area. Handsome European businessmen and women emerge from Customs and head off in various directions. Among them, Juanita looks jet-lagged and rumpled in her Benandanti uniform, dragging her suitcase behind her. Outside at the taxi stand, Juanita spots Erik coming through the crowd and her face lights up. But Erik isn't looking for her. He spots Jennifer, back from California, and kisses her soundly. Juanita's face crumples in disappointment and rage. Out of the crowd, a woman's hand gently drapes across Juanita's shoulder. Anyanka whispers "What do you want?" Juanita seethes, "I wish he could feel what I feel right now. What it feels like to be me." Anyanka: "Done."

Tuesday is the beginning of J-term, four weeks of pass/fail classes on such fun topics as "Ghost Stories" and "Look! Up in the Sky! Comic Book Superheroes," which Drew and Erik, respectively, are taking. Independent projects are encouraged, and also the Free University taught by students, including "Basic Auto Maintenance" with Samantha Kessler and "How to Play Poker," with a field trip to Atlantic City led by Joshua Archer. On the way to class, Drew sees Juanita coming out of Erik's room. Unfortunately, Jennifer sees her too. At dinner, Drew tells Slayer Club that Juanita is back in town. Sam gets a call from Security Director Wilson. No one has seen Erik all day, and he has a security shift tomorrow night. Sam volunteers to cover for him. No bets are taken on the coincidence of Juanita's return and Erik's disappearance. Joshua picks the lock on Erik's room and Drew investigates. There's the usual funk of dirty clothing, paint, and a faint whiff of demon ichor from Erik's sneakers. His weapons bag is open and his gloves are missing, but strangely, his hammer is still there. Sam casts a Seeker spell. At the moment, Erik is at Blaire's.

Blaire's demon bar is re-built, and hopping tonight. But the moment the Slayer walks in, everyone quiets. Sam and Drew question Blaire while Joshua antes in at kitten-poker (Mew!). Blaire denies seeing Erik, but Juanita was here, recruiting "anti-heroes who want to fight the good fight, from the wrong side of the law." All Blaire's regulars thought Juanita was crazy, but a few first-timers went with her. Joshua hefts the bag of kittens he cleaned out of the game (Mew! Mew! Mew!) and Slayer Club leaves. First to the ASPCA, and then to check out where anti-hero demon hunters might go. There's no activity at High Acre, or Greenfields, or the Paradise Theater. In an abandoned warehouse near the river, Slayer Club finds a small pack of vampires with a girl hostage. Sam and Michael slay all but one vamp, then pump him for information and release the girl. This new lead takes them to the witch tunnels. Sam spots tire-tracks that look like Erik's Jeep, until they shift to single file – not a car, but two motorcycles – and go into the tunnels. A chamber within holds a camping area: one cot with Russian Army surplus equipment and a large trunk lined with satin and soft pillows, a boom box, and a stack of cassette tapes that go from Mozart to Flashdance. Deciding there are too many places to search in one group, Joshua and Michael stay to stake out the chamber while Sam, Drew, and Tori go to the Brew Pub. They find a note, "Back in town. Looking forward to working with you again" signed "Juanita" but written in Erik's handwriting. Tori has a terrible suspicion – maybe Juanita found out about Jennifer, and cast a spell to make Erik never leave again, so they merged into one person. That would explain the note, and why Juanita was talking like one of Erik's comic books.

Joshua and Michael meet the two cave-campers: Jessica, a tiny girl with long-lifer eyes, and Ivan, a Russian ex-special operative, who coincidentally knew Joshua's mother "back in the day." Jessica recognizes Joshua from the gymnastics circuit, although she is primarily a dancer. Michael produces a bottle of whiskey and four shot-glasses out of his pocket. Ivan brings a bottle of extraordinary vodka from his cooler, and the four sit down to talk. Jessica came to Solomon hunting a vampire named Ellen, a sculptress who currently teaches at Martense, and who betrayed Jessica's sire during the Prague Spring. Neither Michael nor Joshua know the art professors, but Erik does. If they could find Erik, an exchange of information might be arranged. Ivan and Jessica saw Juanita at Blaire's. They're supposed to meet at the Paradise Theater after sunset tomorrow. The two pairs shake hands and agree to live and let (un)live, for now. At home, Joshua tells his mother "Ivan Federov says hello." She laughs and goes misty-eyed, then fetches a memento: a steel hip-flask with a bullet imbedded in it. Michael looks up sculpture Professor Ellen Rosalini and calls her office from a pay phone, warning her that Jessica is in town and wants to see her.

Wednesday morning – Michael goes to the sculpture studio to warn Prof. Rosalini in person. She is helping Jennifer with an independent project, and putting the finishing touches on her latest work – an abstract sculpture from the dark side of a very disturbed mind. Professor Rosalini isn't worried about Jessica. What happened between them was a long time ago, and she's certainly not going to run away now. Drew calls Juanita's house, but Juanita isn't home. Then, he calls Cora at the Vastarleys. Cora saw Juanita yesterday afternoon, but she was acting strangely. Very weepy and confused, and she kept touching herself, which Cora thought was hot, but a bit out of character. Juanita also needed to borrow some maxi pads, but didn't seem to know what to do with them. Cora tells Drew about a small cave that used to be her and Juanita's secret place to be alone. Sam and Drew check it out, but it's empty except for a futon and some goth posters. However, when Drew suggests they try the cave where Melina kept her prisoner, they find voodoo vevers of protection and warding. Juanita lets them in and tells them what happened at the airport. Tori was partly right. Juanita did see Erik and Jennifer together, and she did wig out, but it wasn't a spell, it was a wish. And they haven't merged, Erik's taken on Junaita's form. So it's "that time of the month" for both of them. Great timing! While Juanita regrets what happened, she doesn't know how to fix it. Only the vengeance demon can un-do a vengeance wish. Sam does another scrying and fixes Erik's location at the monastery. A perfect place to stay out of sight.

When they find Erik, he is one miserable person. He has Junaita's bod, raging hormones, and now Jennifer won't speak to him. When the change happened, Erik didn't know what to do. He couldn't go to class and he was too embarrassed to tell his friends, so he visited Cora, who was very nice to him, even though she thought he was Juanita. She gave him the idea to do good even in a bad situation, so he went to Blaire's to recruit anti-heroes to 'fight the good fight.' He's meeting his posse at the Paradise Theater at sunset to clean out the vamps nest underneath. It might be a burned-out hulk, but the theater was Slayer Club's first secret lair and they're still a little protective of it.

Five anti-heroes answered Erik/Juanita's call: Jessica and Ivan, a wizard in cowboy chaps named Whitrock, and a pair of demons: Darlana is the image of a D&D Drow, and expert with a longbow; Abdul Kmet is a gigantic, bare-chested black man with a huge falchion sword. The moment Michael and Abdul see each other, there's a back-slapping reunion in fast-spoken ancient Egyptian. Amazing how four thousand years can go by just like that! Whitrock, Jessica and Ivan leave for other apontments, but the vamps at the theater still don't stand a chance. When the dust settles, Darlana harvests some vampire parts. Slayer Club doesn't ask why. Abdul and Michael agree to meet for breakfast to catch up on very old times. Sam goes to cover Erik's security shift, since he's still not feeling like himself. The rest of Slayer Club discuss how to summon Anyanka and make her take the wish back. Maybe if Jennifer were to confront Juanita, she'd be pissed enough for Anyanka to appear. But that would be cruel to Jennifer, and Erik might get cursed again. Drew and Joshua try scorning Erik, but that doesn't work, except now Erik feels even worse about how he's treated the women in his life. To be fair, he's only nineteen. He doesn't want to get married, and he likes to flirt. But that doesn't excuse his cheating and lying to his girlfriends. Juanita doesn't want to go back to the dark head-space where she summoned Anyanka. That was just too close to what she's been trying to get away from, with the Benandanti's help. It's possible to summon Anyanka's boss, D'Hoffryn, with a ritual. But how do you get the Lord of vengence demons to make one of his own take back a wish?

You get the avatar of Mars to do it. Michael reminds them: Tori owns Erik because she won him fair and square in a game of darts against the Queen of Fae. So, with Ada and Pandora, but not Sam, who is on security duty, Slayer Club summons D'Hoffryn. The demon appears, all robed and haughty, until Tori confronts him. He bows and scrapes to 'my Lord Mars.' Tori points out that Erik is hers, and Anyanka's spell is unwelcome. So, D'Hoffryn summons Anyanka. She protests that she couldn't have known Erik belonged to someone else, but cancels the wish. D'Hoffryn offers Juanita the chance to join him and become a vengence demon. She politely declines. Erik is Erik once again. However, Jennifer can't deal with this. She retreats to her room and some serious thinking. Next morning, a notice in the Daily Advisor reads: "Ellen Rosalini, Professor of art, has taken a permanent leave of absence. A replacement is being sought for the position. The sculpture studio will be closed next week for cleaning."

4.12 The Ghost-ess with the Mostest
Written and directed by Jodi Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place on Monday, January 10th, 1994.
Teaser: Just before dawn, ten heavily bundled figures toil up the snowy trail to Solomon Heights. Leading the column, a tall, slender figure on snowshoes glides effortlessly over the snow, packing it down for her students to follow. At the end of the line, Samantha Kessler makes sure no one lags and keeps a sharp lookout for anyone, or anything, that might be lurking in the dark. Sam's Chinese medicine class has a sunrise meeting on Solomon Heights to practice Tai Chi. Since it's so bitterly cold this morning, Professor Kai Leung leads the group into a cave where they can light a campfire to keep warm.

At breakfast, Erik notices a pretty girl smiling at him from another table. Her hair is spiky and green, and she has a trail of English Ivy tattooed down her forearm. For just a moment, Erik considers ignoring her, after what happened to him last week, but he can't do it. He smiles back.

Drew's class on Ghost Stories meets at the Martense archives, a floor-to-ceiling library with mahogany bookshelves, rolling ladders and several identical, ancient librarians to keep the students in line. While researching Revolutionary War ghosts seen on Solomon Heights, including the Sentry and the Weeping Widow, Drew notices water dripping down his neck. He quickly moves his books and papers and takes another seat. The dripping gets worse. He has a rain-cloud over his head. The librarians immediately throw him out. All the way back to Radagast House he is rained on, turning to sleet and snow as the temperature drops.

Tori's class in Theater Makeup practices putting false noses and facial hair on each other, and removing them with mineral spirits. Everything is fun, until Tori's bottle of spirits spontaneously catches fire. Her partner tries to smother it with a towel, but the fire spreads, engulfing Tori. The whole class scrambles for the exits, but Tori isn't hurt. She's fireproof, but her clothes aren't. So, she walks back to Radagast House to get more clothing. The fire feels so good. After a week of sub-freezing temperatures, she's finally warm!

Joshua sleeps in until the last possible moment before his class. Logic and algorithms just aren't that interesting, even when used in gambling. So, when his alarm clock goes off, he swats at it, but misses the button and sends the clock flying across the room. He grabs one of his throwing knives to hit the clock, but the knife doesn't fly. It sticks to his hand. He gets out of bed and uses a book to pin the knife to the dresser, and pry his hand away. The radio-clock starts running through the stations at high speed. He turns it off. It turns back on, at max volume. He bashes it against the wall and breaks it. Other metal objects fly at him: coins, belt-buckles, and the silver fountain-pen set his dad gave him for Christmas. He's like Magneto, only without any conscious control. Joshua dresses quickly and bolts downstairs. The metal stair-rail warps as he goes by. Breakfast is right out, because of the silverware. He goes to class, but all the pens and pencils angle toward him, and the classroom lights flicker and strobe.

When Tori arrives at Radagast, she meets Drew. His rain-cloud puts out her fire with a gout of steam that seems to exhaust the water-works, for now. Drew gives Tori his coat to cover up until she gets to her room. He needs a towel, not to mention an umbrella. In Erik's afternoon class on Superheroes, the girl from breakfast, Ivy, sits down beside him. She's all excited about his drawings. Erik shows her his dragon-tattoo, and she can't keep her hands off of him. After class, he takes her back to his room to show her his superhero murals (no, really!). Ivy kisses him passionately, her arms and legs wrap around him. Erik kisses her back, but can't move in her embrace. Her lips are both thrilling and soporific. He passes out and wakes up wrapped in a cocoon of ivy plants, cold and alone in a dark cave up on Solomon Heights.

Meanwhile, Drew, Tori, and Joshua go to the Sacred Grounds to ask Ada what she knows about elemental magic. They have fire and water, and Joshua has metal, which could be part of earth. That leaves air. Or maybe not. Sam has been studying Chinese medicine and their version of the elements: fire, earth, water, metal, and wood, and they haven't seen her all day, or Erik since breakfast. While they're at the Sacred Grounds, a giant snowball rolls down the street to stop right in front of the coffee shop and crack open like an egg. A humanoid figure made of ice seizes Drew. Tori tries to melt the iceman, but she has to concentrate completely to keep the fire from burning out of control. Drew fights, but only succeeds in making ice-shavings on the pavement. The ice elemental carries him up the hill. Tori, Joshua, and Ada follow on foot, since Joshua can't get near a car.

On Solomon Heights, A shimmering ghost of a Chinese woman dressed in elaborate robes taunts Erik. She touches his head and draws a shimmering arc of energy out of him – his gift of enchantment. She claims that she will take powers from all his friends. Drew's psychometry. Tori's fire-control. Joshua's dexterity. And Sam... The ghost screams something in Mandarin and abruptly disappears.

The ice elemental's tracks are easy to follow into a cave where Drew is trapped in an ice-waterfall, like Han Solo in carbonite. If Tori tried to melt him out, she might boil him instead, so she saves her fire for the elemental. Ice shatters everywhere. Joshua finds Erik and cuts him free of the clinging vegetation. Sam is in a nearby cave, performing CPR (gently so as not to break ribs) on Professor Leung's limp body. The professor's ghost hovers overhead, shimmering with silver lights. Unwillingly, it's drawn back into the body. Sam takes a deep breath, seeing her friends across the cave. Professor Leung spits in Sam's face and goes unconscious again. Sam explains that she's been doing that all afternoon. Sam revives her and tries to carry her out to get help, and the professor wills herself to die again. Tori and Joshua explain what's been happening to them, and that Drew is trapped in the next cavern over. Sam gives up on the CPR and goes to save her boyfriend. One blow to the ice-dam in exactly the right spot, and it shatters, releasing Drew. Joshua and Erik carry the professor's body, and Sam carries Drew, and they all head back into town, brainstorming about what to do next.

Professor Leung can only steal powers when she is in ghost-form, but they can't force her spirit not to leave her body. Not without some very heavy necromantic magic. So, Slayer Club decides help her ghost to move on to the afterlife, where it can't hurt anybody. They're going to conduct a Chinese funeral. For help with this, they call the Chaplain, Father Ian Murphy, and Xiu Mei Chen, their dorm-mate who grew up in a Chinese monastery. They take the body to Xavier's funeral home, which is never locked to Joshua. However, professor Leung's ghost is not going willingly to that great night. She uses Erik's power to animate the other bodies in the morgue. Tori, Joshua, Erik, and Drew hold off the zombies while Sam, the Chaplain, and Xiu Mei perform the ceremony and feed the body into the crematorium. As the evil professor's mortal remains are consumed in cleansing fire, her spirit vanishes. The zombies collapse and an arc of silver light returns to Erik's forehead where it belongs.

4.13 Dungeon Crawl
Written and directed by Greg Pearson.
The events of this episode take place on Friday, January 28th and Saturday, January 29th, 1994.
Teaser: Drew and Erik sit at lunch, discussing plans for the night's patrol, when Tony and Joe, the president and secretary of MURP, sit down and invite them to "Dungeon Crawl," a yearly event where one dorm's basement is turned into a live-action dungeon with illusionary monsters. Two teams go in and race to reach the center of the maze, face the final guardian, and claim the prize – a certificate for two free slices of pizza at any MURP meeting the rest of the year. "It's the closest you'll ever get to fighting real monsters!" Tony grins. Drew and Erik exchange a glance, but only say "cool!" and "we'll be there."

It's surprisingly easy to talk the rest of Slayer Club – even the normally too cool to be caught dead acting geeky Tori and Joshua – into joining them, but since these are only illusions, to make it fair, everyone dresses against type. Joshua paints himself green and dons a loincloth and cloak as a Barbarian horde-of-one. Erik wears all black leather and dyes his hair blue-black for the role of party thief. Drew, as a paladin, borrows one of Erik's outgrown sets of Renaissance Faire armor, with a big helmet and shield. (Players are not allowed to bring real weapons.) Sam raids her father's attic for a fringed jacket, cowboy hat, and a guitar that Samuel never plays anymore – the Slayer is now a country-western bard. And Tori, avatar of Mars, becomes a cleric of Poisidon with a blue robe and plastic trident.

When the teams assemble at Tenser Hall, the rest of the rules are explained: each team enters from opposite sides of the building. Tony is already inside, maintaining the illusions of monsters in each room. Joe has set up the illusory dungeon walls and other atmospherics ahead of time. The MURP vice-president, Genevieve, is in charge of equipment – "Q-squared division." Each team member rolls a die to determine any "magical items" they have. Potions are cans of soda with fancy labels. Scrolls are rolls of paper printed with the name of the spell they represent. Weapons are made of PVC pipe, styrofoam and duct tape. And armor is represented by badges worn on the chest or arm, or in Joshua's case, the shoulder of his cloak because that's the only place he could pin his "leather armor +1" badge without skewering himself. The first team to reach the center, defeat the dragon, and claim the prize wins.

Wait – did they say DRAGON? Just an illusion, of course. Everything is under control.

As if.

In the first room they enter, Slayer Club finds a half-dozen small, blue lizard-like creatures that Drew identifies as kobolds. Being a brash barbarian, Joshua takes the lead with his "Axe +2" of mighty styrofoam. The kobolds are not impressed. But when they attack Joshua, their little knives and spears actually sting and draw blood. So Sam and Tori step up. Tori disarms one of the kobolds and takes its spear for her own use, while Sam simply cracks skulls with her fists. Afterwards, since it seems clear something has gone awry with the spells, it seems like a good idea to leave. Or it would be if the door back out into the rest of the dorm would open. As it seems that onward is the only way to go, the kobold weapons are shared around and the PVC weapons left in a heap in the corner.

Meanwhile, in the Martense Library, Michael is tutoring the son of one of his colleagues. Robert Guerrera is a ten-year old magical prodigy. His father is a Martense professor of ancient history and his mother practices Wicca, but they are not magically gifted, so they asked Michael for help with that part of their son's education. Michael was glad to oblige. In the middle of their lesson, Genevieve runs in. She's one of Michael's students this semester, so when the Dungeon Crawl started going wonky, she came to him for help. Michael isn't worried about Slayer Club, who can take care of themselves, but the other team might not be so lucky. Robert asks if he can come too. He's made a bunch of minor charms – cocktail umbrellas that open into magical shields and a doorbell that will open magically locked doors. His favorite is a toy lightsaber that he's magicked to glow and zap things like a taser. He uses it on bugs. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it's COOL! Given that Robert actually plays D&D and knows more about the game than Michael, not to mention that Robert's parents are having a romantic evening nowhere near campus, Michael agrees. He asks Genevieve about the rest of the dungeon and what they can expect to face, while giving Robert five minutes to grab as many magical books from the library that he can check out, and might be useful. For real weapons, Michael goes to the Security office to make a withdrawal on his faculty ID. Then, to Tenser.

Slayer Club finds a room full of shrieking mushrooms that dissolve into spore-dust when whacked. Not poisonous, according to Drew. But the giant ticks are just icky. Further on, they find a room filled with lost socks. About then, Erik decides to run down the hall, opening all the doors at once. Not smart, but expedient when he's ambushed by two groups of hobgoblins. Way to draw out the opposition, Erik! Another hallway has a row of janitor's closets, each with a giant monitor-lizard inside. Each of these monsters guards a pile of gold, silver, and copper coins. Why? Because it's in the DM's Guide. Joshua grabs as many sock-fulls of coins as he can tie to his belt. Finally, they reach the laundry room, the center of the maze where the dreaded guardian lurks.

By this time, Michael and Robert arrive and use the doorbell to get into Tenser's basement. Robert produces a quill pen that draws maps by itself. They follow Slayer Club through the maze and meet outside the laundry room. With Robert's doorbell, they could get out of the "dungeon" now. But the other team can't and, unlike Slayer Club, they stand little chance against the dragon. So, Michael passes out the crossbows he got from Security and summons swords for everyone. Most of them come from Slayer Club's stash at the Brew Pub, but one looks like Dylan's Civil War calvary saber. Michael puts that one back. Sam volunteers to go in first while the others wait around the corner. If the dragon breathes, she's the one most likely to survive, and she can tell them what kind of dragon it is. Michael summons a "bem" for Sam to throw at the dragon, but it turns out to be a dud. Sam throws and nothing happens. She dives back around the corner, frost-covered. It's a white dragon. With Tori and her lighter, they might have a fighting chance.

Battle commences. Sam and Michael take the front quarters, to engage the claws and keep it from breathing on everyone else. Drew and Erik take the other end to distract and harass. Joshua tries leaping on the dragon's back, which is more fun in theory than in practice since there are spiky ridges and it won't stand still. Tori gets out her lighter to play with fire while Robert tries to turn on his light saber. It flickers, but won't stay on. So, he consults his books. Unfortunately, his first spell also mis-fires, summoning an angry water elemental. Fortunately, the dragon's breath freezes it solid before it does more than get Erik a little damp. Robert's second attempt does summon a ball of fire (not explosive like typical D&D fireballs, but still effective). Genevieve and Joe stay well out of the way.

It's a long, arduous battle, and most of Slayer Club is a bit frostbitten by the end. Michael successfully severs one of the forelegs from the dragon's body. Sam cuts most of the way through the other shoulder. And from behind, Erik stabs the dragon where it hurts its dragon-pride the most. Joshua pins the dragon's mouth closed by stabbing it through the snout, which aborts the breath-attack aimed right at Erik. Then, adding injury to insulting injury, Erik runs underneath the beast to try to stab it through the heart. He can't quite make it to the heart, but he disembowels it nicely, covering himself with dragon innards as the creature dies.

After digging Erik out of the reeking pile, Slayer Club finds Tony in the janitor's office just beyond the laundry room, sitting in the janitor's chair, sound asleep. With a shake Drew wakes him up. All the illusions disappear, including the goop all over Erik, but also including the gold coins. The only real treasure is the certificate for free pizza, which Erik and Drew vow to use at every MURP meeting, and then walk out.

4.14 Something Wicked This Way Comes
Written and directed by Chris Roosenraad.
The events of this episode take place between Sunday, February 6th and Thursday, February 10th, 1994.
Teaser: Slayer Club's patrol takes them by the old wire factory on the edge of town. It's supposedly abandoned, but the fence is cut and lights flicker inside, so our heroes check it out. It could just be a homeless person looking for shelter from the cold, but it's not. A man dressed in a black Nehru jacket and loose trousers is beating the tar out of a fellow dressed in tweed, who is tied to a chair. About a half-dozen monkeys swing from the rafters, watching. When Slayer Club intervenes, the man in black taunts them. He claims to be a master of "Angry Monkey Kung Fu", before leaving his animals to fight while he escapes out the back. Slayer Club reluctantly puts the monkeys down. The man in tweed is unconcious, but his wallet has a Martense faculty ID: Charles Holloway of Cardiff, Wales. Sam carries him to the campus infirmary, where he's patched up. Over the weekend, a lurid headline appears in the Martense Monitor – Meningitis scare at Radagast House! Everyone in the dorm is immunized against the disease that sent Bert Edgerton home for the rest of the year. Also, Monday morning before classes start, blood is drawn for testing to be sure no one else has it.

Monday, Feb. 7th – first day of the new semester. Drew is psyched about his classes, especially when Charles Holloway turns out to be his Latin professor. Tori is taking Spanish Literature and a history class on "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People." (Because they live in Solomon?) Sam continues her environmental studies and applied theology. In her mailbox is an invitation to join a studio art class on metal sculpture. Professor J.P. Malion, who replaced Ellen Rosalini, saw Sam's dragon at the Sacred Grounds and was impressed. Erik has second semester drawing and painting, and Alchemy. Joshua opts for mundane Chemistry, but they make a bet to see who can make more "collateral damage" in laboratory. The stakes: if Erik wins, then Joshua will let Erik tattoo him. If Joshua wins, then Erik must paint a credible forgery of a famous painting, chosen by Joshua.

As the day progresses, Professor Saiyer feels something isn't right on campus. He investigates at the Special Dept. of Buildings and Grounds that shields the college. Everything seems to be in order there – no more than the usual curses, hexes. and scrying attempts. However, the prickly feeling at the back of Michael's neck won't go away. After class, Slayer Club strolls around the perimeter. It's a beautifully subtle shield array. Even when you know it's there, it's barely perceptible. Everything seems in order on the ground, too.

On Tuesday, Erik wakes up to find Jennifer Alverez sharing his bed as if nothing bad happened between them. She smooches him sweetly before leaving for class. At lunch, Jennifer joins Slayer Club's table, however, any talk of special classes, or vampires, or magic, just sails right by her. She hears "alchemy" as "chemistry" and giggles about Erik and Drew's "silly D&D games." Drew is super-excited about all his classes. Prof. Holloway is a wicked cool teacher, since he's recovered from his injuries enough to direct discussions, which are so amazing. Drew and Sam go to the library after lunch, supposedly to find a quiet carrel to share liplock, but Drew actually wants to study.

After her afternoon classes, Tori spots two men in trench coats chasing a third man through the woods. She quietly follows, until the pursuers catch and drag their prey toward a waiting car. The third man is Magnus, whom no one has seen since Prom night when Tori talked him out of ending the world and then they went bowling. Tori steps up and demands to know what is going on. The trench coats are from INS and Magnus is in the U.S. illegally. Tori vouches for him, promising to bring him to the INS offices in Albany within forty-eight hours. Released into her custody, Magnus and Tori go to the Orchards for dinner and catching up.

That evening Joshua offers, for $5,000, to get Magnus some travel papers. Tori taps into her Jimmy Choo shoe fund and Joshua hops on his motorcycle, heading down to New York to find a friend of a friend of his father's.

After dinner, Erik gets a bad stomachache, so he goes back to Radagast to lie down. On the way, he meets a stranger with an unplaceable accent, carrying a sword under his coat. This man introduces himself as David and then abruptly pushes Erik in the Green River. Although it's cold enough to freeze teeth, Erik is surprised to find he can breathe water. A scene from his favorite movie crosses his mind and he laughs. After walking out of the river, Erik and David go to O'Tooles for a drink. Erik is carded, so he drinks ginger ale. David drinks neat Scotch. They have an impromptu sparring match in an alley behind the bar and David says he'll take Erik as a student in the ways of immortals, but he must tie up some things in England. He'll be back in a few days. Erik is apparently immortal, something he often secretly wished for. But, in the movie and TV show, immortals only come into their powers after their first death. And when, exactly, did he die?

There's even more strangeness at Radagast: Tiffany is holding forth, as usual, except that now she's surrounded by students hanging on her every word. Xiu Me Chen suddenly has super-Chinese-sorcerer powers. "Now I can protect my family and avenge them!" Drew tries to talk to her, but she shoots a lightning bolt at him. He dodges and she blows out the wall of her room and flies off into the night. One of the JA's is juggling rainbows and energy spheres – "Phenomenal cosmic powers!" Another, a born-again hippie, is feverishly writing the perfect treatise on ending war forever, if only she can get it published. Several students are finishing all their homework for the semester in one night, while others pair up behind doors decorated with coat hangers or socks. One room has a boisterous keg party. Others have filled with cash, especially quarters. (Laundry money!) Dylan, the Civil War re-enacter, is nowhere to be found. Apparently, the secret wishes of Radagast House are all coming true.

Tori has Magnus, Erik is immortal, and Joshua seems to be able to fade away at will. If unconscious wishes are coming true, Drew tries to figure out what he and Sam have gotten. He asks the others if the two of them have seemed unusually lovey-dovey, but they say not. He surreptitiously checks the student directory to see if Stephie's name is there but, no, she's still dead. With much embarrassment, he asks Sam if she's, um, still the Slayer. But a quick check of her powers shows she is. That exhausts the obvious possibilities. But he's sure that, whatever he's gotten, it's going to be hugely embarrassing.

Wednesday morning, Joshua comes back with a perfectly good Icelandic passport, not too new, with Magnus's name and picture and a made-up identity number, including visas for past "vacations" and ticket stubs for his current trip to the U.S. For his part, Magnus remembers getting on a boat in Iceland, travelling to Newfoundland, hopping another boat to Montreal, and then walking across the Canada/US border. From there, he hitchhiked to Solomon. Even though he's trying to start a new life in Iceland, he's glad to see Tori. Tori is thrilled to have him back. She drives him to Albany to take care of the paperwork snafu so he can stay, if he wants to.

During Erik's drawing class, an art history professor, Marshall Jamison, asks to see him. Once alone in the hall, the professor pins Erik to the wall by the throat and tells him to leave town. He's another immortal, and they are rather territorial. Either Erik transfers to another school, for which Prof. Jamison will write him a glowing letter of recommendation, or Jamison will take his head. Or, Erik can become Jamison's student in some way. Erik doesn't want to, but he'll have to take one of Jamison's classes every semester, or else cross swords. And Jamison claims to have escaped France during the Cathar purge, so he's been around a while. Erik promises to change his schedule and escapes, quite shaken. After that, Erik asks Tori and Michael to tag-team spar with him, so he can learn as much swordplay as possible ASAP.

Drew is loving his classes more and more, but Sam can't concentrate on hers. Her nightmares are torture and she hasn't slept for three days. So, she decides to take a long, hard run to exhaust herself. Along the trail, she passes Professor Holloway who tries to talk with her. Sam slows down to let him catch up. He asks what's wrong. When Sam tells him, he suggests trying a placebo, like warm milk, while preparing her mind for sleep. Sam will try almost anything at this point, and continues on her run.

The workout and warm milk work. Sam sleeps through her Applied Theology practicum at dawn, and through the lecture, too. Drew is obsessed with homework. Erik, with swordplay. Tori can't let Magnus out of her sight, and Jennifer won't let Erik out of hers. Joshua's stealthy skills are almost supernatural. He appears and disappears at will. Things are getting out of hand, and Our Heroes suspect that the Monkey Man is behind it, since it all started when he came to town. And the meningitis scare. Erik asks Director Wilson to let him review the Infirmary's security tapes. When played at half-speed, it's clear that a monkey broke in and stole the whole rack of Radagast's blood samples. If the wishes were based on what people most wanted when the blood was taken, that explains some things – Drew was worried about liking his classes, Sam wanted to go back to sleep, and Joshua just didn't want to be seen. But how did Erik end up immortal? Turns out he just walks around randomly wishing for things, just in case.

Drew goes to Xiu Me's room to see if she has any books about Angry Monkey Kung Fu. Drew can't read Chinese, but somehow he can translate it into Latin. Angry Monkey is the style of choice for evil kung fu masters. It teaches magic to bend the will of animals and humans, ensnare minds, and even steal souls. Erik draws a picture of Monkey Man with his kung-fu monkeys and Sam gets rousted out of bed to groggily perform a Seeker spell.

He's still at the wire factory. Slayer Club return to the scene, Sam napping on the way, while Drew has his nose buried in his Latin book. Monkey Man and Professor Holloway are both there, chanting a ritual before a force-shielded altar holding a large yellow crystal and the Radagast blood samples. More monkeys attack. Sam tries to take down the force field, but Tori moves first. The blood of Mars is incindiary. Sam and the others hit the deck, leaving the bad guys standing, but not for long. Tori's blood explodes. The altar is destroyed. As the stolen pieces of their souls return, the students stagger. However, as faculty, Michael is not affected. He catches Professor Holloway in a headlock and snaps his neck, before summoning his falchion and bifurcating the Monkey Man. Slayer Club returns to Martense to report Holloway's demise to the Dean of Special Projects and the Chief of the Infirmary, who is also on the Special faculty. The focus crystal is secured in the vault at the Brew Pub.

4.15 Year of the Dog
Written and directed by Tim Ballew.
The events of this episode take place between Wednesday, February 16th and Thursday, February 17th, 1994.
Drew is walking Sam's dog, Yukon Jack – or more accurately, Jack is walking him – while they wait for Sam to join them. In a strip-mall area just off Martense campus there's a new restaurant – a whole new building – shaped like a red and gold pagoda surrounded by an icy moat spanned by arching bridges. A large sign reads: "China Gate – grand opening for the Festival of Lanterns on February 18th. Special tasting menu on February 17th. Try our famous Spicy Large Pork!" It'd be great to have a second Chinese restaurant in town. Drew buys two tickets to take Sam out for the special dinner. But Sam, for the first time in recent memory, is late for their meeting. Drew turns back toward campus, although Yukon Jack is very interested in the delivery vans being unloaded by several dozen rather short men, about four feet tall. They are bundled up for the weather, but strangely, their faces all look identical, and they have no eyebrows. Directing them is a taller, cruel-looking man in a heavy coat and a tall fur hat.

Back on campus, Drew passes the Chemistry building where at this moment, Joshua is in Chemistry lab, and on the other side of the building, Erik is in Alchemy lab. Suddenly, two windows explode. Drew cringes, but stands aside, holding Jack's leash as best he can as sirens approach and ambulance crews evacuate the building, bringing Erik and Joshua out wrapped in blankets. Those two will be spending the next several days in the infirmary, but their rivalry over who can cause the most collateral damage in lab is still going strong.

A few buildings away, in the Mernau Hall art department, Sam is working overtime on her first metal arts project. It's going to be a three-dimensional array of copper tubing, fishing line, and wire in the shape of neuron cells, with a battery providing electrical sparks whenever two neurons connect. Every time Professor J.P. Malion helps her and their hands accidentally brush or he smiles, she blushes. Sam bends the last piece of supporting structure, carefully using the torch instead of bending it by hand, when Professor Malion places his hands gently on her shoulders, kneading the knots there. Sam suddenly remembers that she was supposed to meet Drew and makes a hasty excuse to leave.

(New Credits – every scene has Yukon Jack in it, even the ones from 1st season, before Jack joined the Kessler household. Also, a clip of Jack chasing the Lunatics through the back yard.)

On February 17th, Walker O'Grady, one of Robert Guererra's Boy Scout friends, is kidnapped. Witnesses say that the fourth-grader was pulled into a van by several short men with no eyebrows dressed in heavy overcoats. Suspecting something supernatural about the men, Robert goes to his friend on the faculty, Professor Saiyer for help. Professor Saiyer takes him to Radagast Hall to find Slayer Club. Most of the group is not at home, but Tori is. When Tiffany shows up, Tori takes Robert to the library to research these demon kidnappers and avoid Tiffany's chatter. Michael finds Drew in his room. Sam is in art class again, but Xiu Me Chen is upstairs, studying in the hall while painters from Buildings and Grounds put the finishing touches on her rebuilt room. Xiu Me is very embarrassed about having attacked Drew for no reason the other week – or maybe just for missing, it's a little hard to tell – but Drew understands that no one in Radagast Hall was really themselves that day. So, no harm done. But since she says 'if there's anything I can do to make it up to you,' Dr